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For Travis « Thread Started on May 12, 2006, 4:35pm »
Our Travis, God bless His Soul.
I just got the google alert for Morgellons and I was beside myself to read it was reporting a death by suicide. I wish he would have tried the ecovie before feeling hopeless enough to end his life.
I didn't know of him, now I would like to get a better picture of who he was. If anyone would like to provide us with an insight for us to remember him by please post.
Re: The article in San Antonio newspaper « Reply #1 on May 12, 2006, 4:52pm »
Doctors puzzled over bizarre infection surfacing in South Texas
Web Posted: 05/12/2006 10:51 AM CDT Deborah Knapp KENS 5 Eyewitness News
If diseases like AIDS and bird flu scare you, wait until you hear what's next. Doctors are trying to find out what is causing a bizarre and mysterious infection that's surfaced in South Texas.
Morgellons disease is not yet known to kill, but if you were to get it, you might wish you were dead, as the symptoms are horrible.
"These people will have like beads of sweat but it's black, black and tarry," said Ginger Savely, a nurse practioner in Austin who treats a majority of these patients.
Patients get lesions that never heal.
"Sometimes little black specks that come out of the lesions and sometimes little fibers," said Stephanie Bailey, Morgellons patient.
Web extra • Exclusive interview: Ginger Savely talks more on Morgellons Web extra • Morgellons Research Foundation
Patients say that's the worst symptom — strange fibers that pop out of your skin in different colors.
"He'd have attacks and fibers would come out of his hands and fingers, white, black and sometimes red. Very, very painful," said Lisa Wilson, whose son Travis had Morgellon's disease.
While all of this is going on, it feels like bugs are crawling under your skin. So far more than 100 cases of Morgellons disease have been reported in South Texas.
"It really has the makings of a horror movie in every way," Savely said.
While Savely sees this as a legitimate disease, there are many doctors who simply refuse to acknowledge it exists, because of the bizarre symptoms patients are diagnosed as delusional.
"Believe me, if I just randomly saw one of these patients in my office, I would think they were crazy too," Savely said. "But after you've heard the story of over 100 (patients) and they're all — down to the most minute detail — saying the exact same thing, that becomes quite impressive."
Travis Wilson developed Morgellons just over a year ago. He called his mother in to see a fiber coming out of a lesion.
"It looked like a piece of spaghetti was sticking out about a quarter to an eighth of an inch long and it was sticking out of his chest," Lisa Wilson said. "I tried to pull it as hard as I could out and I could not pull it out."
The Wilson's spent $14,000 after insurance last year on doctors and medicine.
"Most of them are antibiotics. He was on Tamadone for pain. Viltricide, this was an anti-parasitic. This was to try and protect his skin because of all the lesions and stuff," Lisa said.
However, nothing worked, and 23-year-old Travis could no longer take it.
"I knew he was going to kill himself, and there was nothing I could do to stop him," Lisa Wilson said.
Just two weeks ago, Travis took his life.
Stephanie Bailey developed the lesions four-and-a-half years ago.
"The lesions come up, and then these fuzzy things like spores come out," she said.
She also has the crawling sensation.
"You just want to get it out of you," Bailey said.
She has no idea what caused the disease, and nothing has worked to clear it up.
"They (doctors) told me I was just doing this to myself, that I was nutz. So basically I stopped going to doctors because I was afraid they were going to lock me up," Bailey said.
Harriett Bishop has battled Morgellons for 12 years. After a year on antibiotics, her hands have nearly cleared up. On the day, we visited her she only had one lesion and she extracted this fiber from it.
"You want to get these things out to relieve the pain, and that's why you pull and then you can see the fibers there, and the tentacles are there, and there are millions of them," Bishop said.
So far, pathologists have failed to find any infection in the fibers pulled from lesions.
"Clearly something is physically happening here," said Dr. Randy Wymore, a researcher at the Morgellons Research Foundation at Oklahoma State University's Center for Health Sciences.
Wymore examines the fibers, scabs and other samples from Morgellon's patients to try and find the disease's cause.
"These fibers don't look like common environmental fibers," he said.
The goal at OSU is to scientifically find out what is going on. Until then, patients and doctors struggle with this mysterious and bizarre infection. Thus far, the only treatment that has showed some success is an antibiotic.
"It sounds a little like a parasite, like a fungal infection, like a bacterial infection, but it never quite fits all the criteria of any known pathogen," Savely said
No one knows how Morgellans is contracted, but it does not appear to be contagious. The states with the highest number of cases are Texas, California and Florida.
The only connection found so far is that more than half of the Morgellons patients are also diagnosed with Lyme disease.
For more information on Morgellons, visit the research foundation's Web site at www.morgellons.org.
Re: For Travis « Reply #3 on May 12, 2006, 11:05pm »
Again, and forever a prayer for Travis,
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quite waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His names sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I fear no evil; for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff, they comfort me. Thou dost prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; Thou hast anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and lovingkindess will follow me all the days of my life and death. And I will dwell in the house of the lord forever.
Re: For Travis « Reply #4 on May 18, 2006, 5:41am »
I'm Travis mother. Here is some info on Travis. He was brilliant. He always knew what the best type of anything electronic there was to purchase and he knew how to work it. He had been building and working on computers since he was 3 years old. He was very creative, leaving behind notebooks full of poems, songs, and parts of two novels. He played both the electric and acoustic guitar. The last song he ever played was "All Apologies" by Nirvana. It was so beautiful that I came upstairs just to listen to him play, although I'd heard him play it a hundred times before. He painted many pictures of abstract art and gave them away as gifts, each with a poem on the back representing what he had painted. He was very compassionate to others that had Lyme and Morgellons and at some thread on this site, I believe, he offered to take the pain of every other Morgellons sufferer onto himself and die such that they could be rid of their Morgellons, just as Jesus did for our sins. He became fairly religious toward the end as he became increasingly sicker and sicker. He could only eat a few bites of food a day for the last couple weeks of his life, and not drink much either, as the Morgellons fibers would get in his food and be in his throat. Two trips to the ER in the past week and a half before he died only brought him pills to knock him out to relieve his suffering. He would be up for five days in a row, unable to sleep due to the vicious attacks. At the last hospital visit, the black and white fibers coming out of his fingers were so large that I could see them with my naked eye. The doctor was standing in the doorway and I asked him to come look at the fibers coming out of Travis' fingers. He totally ignored me. At least, they didn't label him with "delusional parasititis" as they usually did. I believe this to be malpractice. They didn't even examine him. Just reviewed his records from all the other times he'd be in there.
I love him more than words can say. I don't know how I will ever get through this. Travis' father had a small mental breakdown last weekend. I went and visited my daughter, my only other child, in D.C. over Mother's Day weekend, as she really needed me there. It is so, so hard on her as well.
At first, I thought Travis may have committed suicide as every time he would have a really bad attack he would ask me to just kill him and get it over with. He was suffering so horribly. And, right after he died, I found his pain pill, sleeping pill, and Klonipin (anti-anxiety pills) bottles empty. However, good news. Last week, while looking through is 20 bottles on his coffee table, I found a Klonipin bottle that contained 83 Klonipin, 26 pain pills (Methadone), and 24 sleeping pills (Ambien). I forgot that Travis used to put all his pills together. If Travis had wanted to end it, I think he would have taken everything. Also, with all the notebooks he left, I'm sure he would have left me a note. I also just read some emails that Travis was corresponding with an 18-year old Lyme disease sufferer who also lives near Austin. Travis told me about her. Travis emailed her two days before he died. They were supposed to get together to meet and have a meal.
Travis had been on these new pain pills for only five days. They have a very long half-life. On Friday, he had the worst attack of his life and took a lot of pills. He thought he had a high resistance to pain pills (which he did), so he would take a lot, especially when he was having bad attacks. He got up Sat and felt horrible, and took more. I think his body just shut down. I found him Sunday. He was depressed, but he wanted to fight on. His body just gave out. His liver had been hurting terribly for over a month, but he wouldn't go get his monthly blood test as he was afraid that it would show it was shutting down and they would take him off his antibiotics--his only relief from the Morgellons attacks.
Here are a couple poems Travis wrote that a friend read at his funeral:
A Day Without Pain ============= A myriad of torment Versed through the days of past It has seized the present Oh, how winter long the blistering pain has last
I now catch the sun So my tongue has been burned of the taste Now, through the fog of endless trauma and ache Arises a new concept, from a coma it is awake
Nothing is more simple than a day without pain Now, from new breaths of fresh solace and serenity adrift, I am alive.
Now, new breaths of pure solace and pure serenity adrift and clench onto me and I can grasp that I am sane.
Nothing is more simple than a day without pain I will shout out at the highest building and the highest mountain I will proclaim in a luod and emotionally piercing scream This proclamation will be read as:
Pain and misery, the negative side of our dualistic world, I cast you out.
And if you can't leave me, Then I will thank God for giving me a life of which I've squandered I will think that way with my new companion and friend.
I will endure the pain and one day it will end, with my death or wither without. Then, after that, I will have the beautiful serenity and the gorgeus tranquility And I will yell in the streets and proclaim, with tears falling fast, "I am alive".
And I will cry tears of happiness because, at that moment I realized the world contained our people and our lives are all beautiful tragedy.
No Name Given, I call it Now You'll Know =========== When all of your dreams are realized to be unfulfilled. When you were at the zenith of your youthful happy days, looking at all those shiny open doors, being smitten with all the choices you had, until the doors shut, except for the one that was doomed to be the one you never wanted. Then you'll know.
When you're looking back and realizing life was better when you had less responsibility and when you finally realize life is just a beautiful tragedy, then you'll know yuo've becmoe a true individual, not just part of the homogenous mixture that grasps and torments the youth. Then you'll know you are a part of life, not just a spectator, watching from afar.
You've become an active part of changing life, only now the tradeoff is that the burden of life crushes you down, heeding your progress towards the truth. Was it woth it? Never ask yourself that question, unless you want to give yourself an aneurysm.
Here is what I said at his funeral: Travis’ Funeral 4/29/2005
I’d like to start by saying that Travis is being buried with a sword that he purchased at the Excalibur while in Las Vegas with his father, Mark and sister, Trisha. One of the meanings of placing this sword with Travis is that it shows what a warrior he was. Travis suffered immensely. He had Lyme disease, with symptoms such as chronic fatigue syndrome, neurological issues (his gait was off, he had lost his sense of smell, he had facial paralysis, his left hand always twitched, he had cognitive difficulties), but his greatest suffering came from a disease called Morgellons. Travis not only fought this disease heroically, he helped others on countless Morgellons and Lyme disease web sites to deal with their suffering from Morgellons as well, especially the families and friends left behind when other Morgellons sufferers died. He was a certified pharmacy technician and very versed in pharmaceuticals. He was so brilliant. He studied this disease with a passion and tried every potential “cure” that he could find, ordering herbs and vitamins and powders and supplements from all over the world. He would spend countless hours at Walgreens, buying every kind of anti-parasitic and anti-fungal cream, bug zapper, ionic air filter, black light and anything else that might remotely help him, but nothing did.
Travis started showing signs of Morgellons around January 2005. He researched it on the internet and told me what he had—a disease called Morgellons that had been around since the 1600’s. I researched the internet (how did we ever get by without it?) and found a local nurse practioner that only treated Lyme and Morgellons patients, and she was right there in Austin, Texas! How lucky for us. It turns out that I also have Lyme disease and we believe that Travis was born with it, congenitally getting it from me. We have been receiving oral antibiotic treatment for Lyme since last March, but, unfortunately, there was no cure or treatment, really, for Morgellons. The medical community was hoping that the antibiotics that were helping with Lyme disease would also help quell the Morgellons attacks, but not so with Travis. Initially they helped, but later, nothing did. He even tried anti-parasitic drugs that they use on horses and cows to get rid of the parasites, but these drugs only made his symptoms worse. They may have felt worse as the disease was being killed off, but Travis could not stand the attacks and could only tolerate the drugs for a month. We tried to find him other alternative treatments, and I told him I would take him anywhere in the world to receive I.V. antibiotics (which we hoped might cure him faster), but do you think we could find a provider to do this? No! We could only find one Doctor in San Francisco providing the I.V. antibiotic treatment, but they would not give them to Travis as his mental state was so depleted by the Morgellons and Lyme. They were worried that it would make him worse, which it would initially do, but it felt like our last hope.
Travis would have Morgellons attacks, which left him incapacitated. Morgellons is a parasitic disease, they believe. It feels like bugs are crawling all over your body, under your skin. Travis would suffer so much from these attacks that he wouldn’t be able to sleep for days on end. He would get lesions all over his body from the Morgellons. I found a worm-like thing about a ¼ inch long sticking out of his chest one day and tried to pull it out with my fingers, to no avail. When I ran to get my tweezers and came back, it had gone back inside of him. He had a large Morgellons growth under his skin on his side that had moved to his stomach the next day. He cut one out that was an inch long and showed it to several doctors. His Lyme disease expert in Austin had one that was 2 inches long that someone had cut out of them. People are cutting these things out and sending them to the CDC in hopes of classifying this dreaded disease. The CDC has asked that no more samples be sent—they have more than enough to last them for years, they’ve stated. Of course, it doesn’t help that not much research is being done on this disease.
Unfortunately, Travis’ attacks were coming more frequently and would be more severe. He was in the emergency room twice the previous week or so before he died. He was 5’11” tall and weighed only about 130 pounds. He had trouble eating or even drinking near the end as fibers would get in his food, after only a few bites, and he could not then eat it.
There was absolutely nothing he could do to get respite from the Morgellons attacks, other than take massive amounts of sleeping pills, which sometimes still didn’t work. He would go to the ER, where he would usually be labeled with delusional parasitosis, and they would give him something to knock him out—his only relief. On his last visit to the ER, you could see the black and white fibers coming out of his fingers. You usually need a magnifying glass to see these. They are very painful when they come out. This is a very common symptom of Morgellons. I asked the ER doctor to look at Travis’ fingers to see the fibers. He ignored me. Travis was labeled with delusional parasititis so many times, I can’t even count. Just about everyone that has Morgellons has been labeled with this.
I don’t want Travis’ death to be in vain. If we can help one other Morgellons sufferer to survive, this would make Travis very happy. We need to get the CDC to get off their butts and classify this disease. We then need to get funds for research. That’s the starting point. It was estimated that there could be up to one person a day committing suicide due to this dreaded disease. Travis was so fearful of giving it to me. We lived in the same home, but kept separate living quarters, washing clothes separately, using separate towels, never sharing food or drink, and even eating separately. It made for a lonely existence for Travis. He feared going out as he did not want to possibly give this to someone else. However, 95% to 96% with Morgellons disease also have Lyme disease. The others have a very compromised immune system from some other malady.
Travis cared deeply about others. He was very shy, but wrote so eloquently. When he had a beef with his friend, John, Travis typed it up on the computer and told John to read it. That’s just how he was. He could fix any computer problem, any electronics problem. He played both the acoustic and electric guitar beautifully. He was practicing to be able to sing and play in a band. He loved Kurt Cobain and the Beattles. He had written a lot of poetry and was writing both a book and a novella at the time of his death. He would have been a brilliant, published writer, I have no doubt. He also loved to paint abstract paintings as gifts to family members. I’m not sure where he got his creative side! No matter what he was doing, if I had a problem with my computer or network connection, he would immediately fix it for me. I don’t even know how to start a movie on the DVD player!
Travis was very happy as a baby, but as his life wore on, his symptoms grew worse. His life was cut way too short. He’d only had a couple of short romances. He did a lot in his short life, yet, had only begun to live. When I found Travis after he had died, the first thing I noticed was how peaceful and beautiful he looked. He reminded me of the pictures we see of Jesus on the cross after he died. He just had such a tranquil look on his face. I could see that his soul was in peace. How long could a soul go on suffering as he did? He’s not suffering anymore. Please let us enjoy a small amount of comfort in that. My mother and father are looking after him now.
Travis wanted to become a drug and alcohol abuse counselor so that he could help others. He gave so much to the Lyme and Morgellons community and a lot of outpouring of love, respect, and awe is coming both Mark’s and my way regarding postings that Travis made on these websites.
He was my baby, my first-born. Life will never be the same. I will never get over this and can only hope that my breaking heart will somehow learn to carry a lighter load than it is now. We lost a wounded, kindred spirit in Travis. He loved his family and friends, as they loved him. He would want us to go on and try to find that elusive happiness. I just pray that each of you hugs your kids a little tighter today and take nothing for granted. Live each day like it might be their last. Treat them with the same respect with which you would treat your friends. Love them like there’s no tomorrow, and tell them so, over and over. I miss you, Travis, and love you with all my heart. =============================== He is buried next to my father, in our family-owned graveyard. My father died just 6 months ago. Please, please go on fighting. And, if you ever think you can't, please call me. Email me ilisawilson@aol.com for my phone number. I would love to talk with you about the pain and suffering of those you will leave behind. Of course, I will also listen to you as I understand about needing to be out of the pain as well. I can't guarantee that I would talk you out of it, but I would hope that I could talk you into going on for some additional time. Things can and do get better. I heard from Sue L, Josh's mother (he died from brain cancer due to Morgellons, also at age 23) that she got better after 18 months of suffering. There is hope. Travis was just getting ready to try a new antibiotic that's supposed to be great for Morgellons. I'm not sure what its called, but will find out if someone is interested.
Re: For Travis « Reply #5 on May 18, 2006, 8:14am »
Dear Lisa,
I have never had any correspondance with your Travis, but I always found comfort from reading his posts. I am so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot imagine the loss of a child. I am sure you must be in so much pain. Travis was always so concerned for others. He was a great writer. I miss his postings. I hope in by coming here, you find you can spend a little time with him. I wish that I could say something to take that pain away from you. I know that nothing can or ever will.
A little tug of truth always trumps a boatload of theories.
Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 870
Re: For Travis « Reply #6 on May 18, 2006, 3:19pm »
Lisa... Thank you so much for sharing Travis's life with us here... His poems and writing are truely amazing and he was surely amazing as well.. His death has really nailed us all here and many are still suffering from the shock and depression of this news.. He was a member of our family here... and will surely be missed as one.. I know I speak for everyone when I say to you how sorry we are here... Such a loss and such a wonderful young man at such a young age yet... truely crushes us all... But I know we are glad to know that he did have the support of his family during this illness... Its so important as many here dont have that... You are a wonderful Mother Lisa... God Bless you and your family as you will always be in our thoughts and prayers... and we will always be your extended family since Travis was one of our own.. Anything you need from us.. please dont hesitate to ask... You get all his medical records Lisa... hold onto them... when the answers come you sue those Drs who wouldnt help him.. He was angry in some of his posts because Drs didnt believe him... I think if you can nail them for malpractice.. he would love that... We would all love that as its what all of these people have been thru... I think he can finally be at peace.. but this world of ours here is sure empty without him... Dont ever stop fighting for him Lisa... You prove these Drs did him wrong.. do it for him and for all here who suffer... You have the backing of 40 thousand people who come to this site... All of this is the prelude to something huge.. and Travis was a big part of it... Someday when the answers come... He will finally get his validation.... Until then... I truely believe he will be helping us from the other side.. he was just that way.... God Bless him for coming into our lives.. and We are the proud ones to be able to call him one of us... We are lucky we had him for awhile.. You had him his whole wonderful life... what a blessing that is for you.. But yes... such a loss that we will all feel forever.. A link is now missing from our chain that can never be replaced... But I just know he is still with us in heart and soul... We WILL find answers and rectify this mess.. and make sure that Travis will never be forgotten... God Bless you and your family.. and we wish you the strength it will take to take over and fight this fight where Travis left off... We all truely love Travis.. we always will.. and now, maybe you can fill his spot and finish what he started... This is still so hard for me too.. I think everytime we lose someone it hits us harder each time.. And he was so young.. so its hitting us all harder... Even in death... what we have is a bond that can never be broken.... So he did in fact leave us all a priceless gift... and for that we are thankful... Much love always... Kerry, Patti, and the whole Lymebusters family....
Joined: Jun 2005 Gender: Female Posts: 620 Location: MO.
Re: For Travis « Reply #7 on May 18, 2006, 11:04pm »
God be with You Lisa, you show us now where Trav got allot of his beautiful qualities. Kerry is right in everything she say's above. You are a wonderful Mother, many of us just can't get anyone to believe, I am so happy and relived he had you. Keeping you in our prayer's forever. Always, Glenda, hubby and 6yr old son all with Morgellons and Lyme
Joined: Feb 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 5,235 Location: West Michigan
Re: For Travis « Reply #8 on May 18, 2006, 11:47pm »
Thank you Lisa for sharing that. You are one beautiful woman. Stay strong and know we are here to help you too. Travis's writings will live on, and he said so much in those poems.
God Bless you, his father, and sister. Take care and thank you for all you do to get this disease recognized.
Re: For Travis « Reply #9 on May 19, 2006, 12:23am »
Thank you Lisa for sharing Travis with us and our long talk on the phone meant so much to me. Our sons had only walked this earth 23 years but yet they were wise beyond those years. It's so unfair that they suffered from this horror disease. This should have never ever happened in this great country. I'm so short on faith, my pain from losing Josh is still so raw. They say it gets better with time but I can't imagine it ever easing. I have to believe our boys are free from pain and in a place full of peace, beauty and love. I know they would have reached out to one another in heaven and I know they are there working to bring a end to this suffering. Travis was a beautiful brilliant soul and my Josh a radiant forgiving soul. Lisa I feel safe knowing those two young men are our side and they will be working hard in heaven to get things done on earth. Lisa I'm so sorry, I know, I'm just so sorry.............Love, Sue
Joined: Mar 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 4,670 Location: Portland, Oregon
Re: For Travis « Reply #10 on May 19, 2006, 2:29am »
Sorry Sue.
Lisa...I can't bring myself to read your post's completely. I just can't do it. I still can't really read what Sue posts either...my little boy is pretty sick too. The sorrowing rage is something I don't deal with...because I can't deal with, so I leave it alone, or try anyway. I am sorry that your children had suffered the way they had before leaving and I'm sorry they are gone.
Thank you Lisa for making sure that your son's decision could possibly be beneficial for me and mine. I don't think I could be as strong as you if I were wearing your shoes. There is no way I could serve us the way you are serving us had it be me. From Arianna, Kado and Me...Thank You, Travis's Father and Travis.
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