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Post by bannanny on Apr 24, 2009 16:54:02 GMT -5
My desktop is all clean and ready for me to set up the scope massena got me. But do I do it? No... and after what came out of my hands this morning, I don't understand why I'm not wanting to get it up and look at the stuff. I also have the goo from my feet still sitting in baggies. Am I curious to look at that? No... all it makes me feel is very uneasy. This morning when I got up my hands were all goopy again. I went straight to the trash, stood over it and started rubbing my hands together. I know you'd think I'd wash them immediately, but that doesn't always work. Rubbbing it out works better than anything. I stood there and watched what looks like a light tan-orange color of skin coming off my hands in tiny thin rolls... looks just like rolls of flesh coming off of my hands, but very thin and tiny. Yeah I saved it, but I cannot for the life of me make myself set the scope up and look at it. What's wrong with me? I always loved looking at this stuff under my scope. What do you guys think? Should I just do it and get it over with, or keep waiting til I feel comfortable enough to do all of that again? I mean, it's even making me cry cuz I feel so helpless and stupid about it all. Anyway, this is just me askin for advice again cuz I don't understand any of it. hugs ~~ bannanny
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Post by gregor on Apr 24, 2009 17:46:12 GMT -5
Just wait. I had a mini scope that I used almost every day to make a quick check of weird sheddings. It disappeared 2 months ago, and I haven't used my computer scopes since then either, even though I've put interesting specimens on tape for computer scrutiny. I throw them away after a few days with a feeling of relief - weird! My opinion: You should only be using the scopes when you feel the passion to help mankind, and you can't feel that all the time. So don't worry about it. It won't be affecting your own physical situation one way or another. You can just do scoping when you're ready.
I hope I've helped you here.
Hugs back to you.
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Post by gezunked on Apr 24, 2009 21:41:37 GMT -5
Hi everyone, Im sorry to post what is essentially a new thread on the end of someone elses post, but for some reason I havent been able to start a new thread for months. When I click 'post message' it takes me to the login page and im no longer logged in? Anyhoo... I hope I'm not revisting old ground with this but it seems quite interesting. While browsing here: www.detailshere.com/naturalcancercure.htmI read this: "...Dr. Enderlein discovered a microscopic living organism that is present in every cell of the body, which he named Mucor Racemos Frescens. This organism is resistant to the highest heat and the coldest cold and to every drug, chemical and acid known to man. It is virtually indestructible. This organism mutates and takes on different life forms depending upon the pH of the cell it is living in. When pH is a normal 7.0, this organism creates vitamins and health giving substances for the body. As the pH turns acidic, it mutates and starts killing the cell. When the body dies, this same organism is what decomposes the body and turns it back to dirt." That led me to the Wiki site on the good Doctor: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/G%C3%BCnther_Enderleinand interestingly it said: "....In 1925 Enderlein published his main work: Bakterien-Cyklogenie. He developed not only a complex hypothesis, but at the same time he created also his own terminology that makes reading of his papers difficult or even impossible. He stated that small harmless and benificious herbal particles were present in every animal or plant and may transform into larger and pathogen bacteries or fungi under certain circumstances. The smallest particles are called protit, symbionts or endobionts. Protits are, according to Enderlein, small colloids of proteins, sized between 1 and 10 nm. Enderlein made a difference between acid and alcalic symbionts. These particles are able to be transmitted via the placenta before the birth. Enderlein was convinced that these small particles were harmless and necessary for health. Only the larger organisms developed out of these particles were pathogen bacteria or fungi..." That led me to a site that has photo's - well, dark field microscopy images - of these little pathogen generators. I found them in the section called Ploemorphic Compendium www.pnf.org/I found the images so interesting I thought I'd include a few direct links here. Unfortunately I can't work out how to add the images themselves to this thread. www.pnf.org/compendium/Thallus_Formation.bmpwww.pnf.org/compendium/Medusa_s_heads_profile.jpgwww.pnf.org/compendium/Simple_tubules.jpgwww.pnf.org/compendium/Systatogenetic_Processes_2.bmpwww.pnf.org/compendium/ANs_long_chondrit_bits.jpgwww.pnf.org/compendium/Dev_example_3.jpg (intercellular crystals forming) Thanks
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Post by toni on Apr 25, 2009 9:16:34 GMT -5
Bannanny, I sure understand too (as Gregor said) she really said my thoughts too very well.
It's sort of an internal thing that it is probably something we all go through. Like our morgie cycles. Up then down, meaning feeling we can handle morgs, then maybe another day we begin to feel very helpless.
Our emotions are very much like a roller coaster, and that too is very normal, (even in normal life)...because of so many factors that influence our thoughts and feelings on a daily basis.
Those things, (feelings) are not completely predicatable. Daily events, good news, bad news, it all changes our feelings.
I sure understand, sometimes we can't get a specimen fast enough under that scope to see it, and then other times - it's like we back away from the scope of (viewing specimens) because deeeeep inside us, those things we see, we know that inside our mind they are our fear, because so far this morgs is out of our control.
We know or some of us do feel that "morgs" well...even though we feel we can put a lid on it, (contain it to not getting worse), in the back of our minds, we really wonder (as I do) are some of us REALLY putting a lid on it? Or are we just that unaware of what it's really doing because there are no signs...yet.
I think because of the magnitude of Morgellons, and what we've seen with our own eyes, felt with it's sensations and pains, thoughts it's created in our unimaginable ultimate fears, lost from, and the fact that so many people just like us who have lost their lives to this, that that plays a huge part in our emotions of (do we really want to look at this monster face to face) as it does seem when we see the things we do under the scope.
So your hesitation to view it (if you're not ready) is very understandable. Your mind (anyones) needs to be in a particular place to view these things, and only you will know when that time is and when it's comfortable for you. And anything sooner, won't sit right in your mind until it's "time".
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Post by morgellonsmoe1 on Apr 25, 2009 11:03:26 GMT -5
May I add some common sense questions here that have help us all stay away from the jumping off place ?
1) What benefit is there to scoping any item that I don't have a degree to back up my hypothesis of what this is? 2) who would I show these pictures to? other morgies ? no one believes them either so am I contributing to the insanity of this or helping? 3) that equipment is very costly and in this economy is it better spent on PhD or foundations who do have the clout to look in their already purchased equipment and say "THIS IS WHAT THIS IS!!" and have the clout to back it up? or better spent on me and my family to keep a roof over head and food etc that many of us have already lost doing exactly what your doing .
what good ....honesly is scoping this garbage? spend the money on things that get rid of it and follow what other morgies are still doing to keep it at bay and enjoy life .
If there were a big prize for finding this someone here would have earned it .. all you do is repeat everything we've already done and loose everything we've lost being determined to figure this out .. we don't have the higher education to look at warts never mind Morgellons so leave the stress in the scientists hands and pay them to look
OK? we love you but this will just keep you terrified not better Moe
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Post by toni on Apr 25, 2009 13:52:25 GMT -5
Moe, what you said is very much common sense-on one side of the coin, but....there's MORE common sense to be added to human nature of people-because there is another side to that coin.
Some people are more curious than others, equally as much as some may not be at all. Neither one is illogical, or not using common sense, just different "natures".
Some people want to see (specimens) under a scope of what they're feeling that shouldn't be there, just as some may not.
Some people may have the attitude that every day of living life to it's fullest is what it's all about, and then some may have the thoughts of (we're born only to die) so why bother with anything.
So, IMHO, it's not fair to say (what common sense is) because that is only one person's opinion, whereas the next guy might say (common sense) would be to look and see what it is and share it - whether it goes anywhere or not, and that may even make them feel better and not alone because they are sharing what torments them, even IF no one else is looking.
It's all from the perspective of who's feeling what, and what helps them. And in doing so, hope too is created and sustained, that someone somewhere might see and be able to put in their 2 cents of even having seen the same thing before, whereas if none of us had any communication at all....ALL of this would take a whole lot longer.
I do understand what you're saying, (we're not qualified) but if WE do nothing but sit back and wait...one thing is guaranteed: which that is no one will see what WE ALL seem to have very much in common.
Whereas if we do share our pictures of specimens, there now has been even if only 1% in a million chance that someone "with the knowledge might then see".
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Post by chaosonline on Apr 25, 2009 14:53:38 GMT -5
There is merit to both sides of this issue. Curiousity is an inate and valuable human trait as is overcoming obstacles. Also the David & Golith scenario comes to mind. But there are some of us who are hesitant to explore what may turn out to be beyond our own endurance.
Many are the times that I find I am not able to endure any further and must back off.
Karen
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Post by morgellonsmoe1 on Apr 25, 2009 16:24:56 GMT -5
Hi Bannanny:
What I am saying is Many of us spent bukoos of bucks living to find this , scoping many things that hatched out of us still to be dismissed with a critter in our hands !!.
If I can have half the money back that I spent and had taken tetracycline years ago when the doctor gave it too me .. I would be still working , have my son and sanity , and my paid in full home that I walked away from ..a car too .
I stayed smarter than the docs thinking an antibiotic couldn't possibly help .. well 2 yrs later It did when I took it just to prove that wasn't the answer ..
This illness is insane enough please spend sometime this week on you .. buy something that Morgellons cant have and hope this made sense ( Hugs) Moe
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Post by bannanny on Apr 25, 2009 17:12:47 GMT -5
Yeah, everything all of you have said makes sense to me. I guess I'm just gonna have to let what's ailing my mind ride itself out. Maybe it's becuz I seem to be the only one who's got gel oozing out of my hands and feet right now. Maybe that's why I don't want to look at it. But then I think to myself, what if it DOES show something? Then I'm doing nothing for the good as far as trying to pinpoint this mess. In fact, I'm even the one who's so passionate about this freakin gel being the crux of morgs... yet I refuse to look at it. I just don't get it. So I guess I'll just wait and see where I'm at tomorrow and the next day and the next day if that's what it's gonna take. I apologize for my weirdness about it tho cuz I have been so adamant about it to you guys, yet I won't show you or even myself what I've been talkin about. That's what I think is really gettin to me... that's what I'm not gettin. It worries me that I might just be too afraid to look at it too... and I thought I'd gotten thru all of that ya know? I don't want to be afraid of this mess... but it's doin something to my head I know that.
big hugs ~~ bannanny
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Post by junknira on Apr 26, 2009 6:04:07 GMT -5
don't you dare apologize!! we are the only ones who truly understand.. don't ever feel like any of us will think you are weird or otherwise..this is a safe place. if you want to rant or scream aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh or whatever....do it!!!!! i don't think i will ever not be afraid of this.... i don't know what the f*ck is going on inside me...i try to live as 'normal' as possible, with everyone around me having no idea what i am feeling (physically and emotionally)..i think we are all going to have our 'crazy' days, when we just feel like we're gonna lose it..that's was this forum is for, i think, to help make it past that. i have not been using this enuf...we can't do it on our own..we shouldn't do it on our own.
big big hugs to you
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Post by bannanny on Apr 26, 2009 15:58:16 GMT -5
Thanks so much junknira! That made me feel alot better. I know I don't need to apologize either... that's just me bein me I guess. I can talk alot and usually I can back whatever I say... that's what I was apologizing for, cuz I don't even want to look at what I wanna look at... if that makes any sense!
Actually, I'm playin with the idea alot today about setting the scope up, so maybe I'm gettin there. You guys always, always, help me out of these kinds of predicaments somehow! That's one of the biggest reasons I love you all so much and am so grateful for this board. I don't know what I'd do without you guys!
I love ya's ~~ bannannas
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Post by bannanny on Apr 27, 2009 14:41:14 GMT -5
You're not gonna believe this one... I finally got past my fear and opened the box my scope came in. I was surprised to find no software with it tho. Fortunately, I went to Intel's site and was able to download it. After a little over 1/2 hour, it was finally done. I restarted my puter and plugged the scope in. IT DOESN'T WORK!! I was sooo mad! So anyway, massena and I are trying to find the previous owner who she bought it from on ebay... I just hope she can get her money back or there's an easy explanation as to why it won't work.
There's no bottom light and the top light won't get any brighter when you adjust it. But there's still enough lite to see a sample. The only thing is when I put my sample on the base, no matter how many times I brought the focus up and down, nothing came into view. Anyone know what the problem might be? I really wanna look at the stuff that's been rolling out of my hands now... dam!
hugs ~~ bannanny
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