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Post by mercury on Oct 18, 2009 7:33:05 GMT -5
Dear Suebe, I'm so glad to read your post today. To hear that you're up and around a bit. I forget that there are times when even one so sick can just be talking to you and be OK in that moment.
I have so many feelings around cancer as my beloved Mom had it too. We had about a year from diagnosis and she used the time well. We (her kids and close friends) got to be there for her (including hospice at home - a very good thing) and she for us when she could. It was so much better that we had at least those few months advance notice so that we could do some of the things we needed to do and say with each other. Of course you never get to say everything that's in your heart to say. I guess we'll get to do more of that in heaven one day.
You're such a light and a blessing to so many of us. Just have to keep telling you how much you've moved me over the years. Sharing your experience, with tears and humor, anger and joy and always with so much love. All the stuff that makes us human. God bless you dear one.
Lots of Love, Merc
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Post by Acacian Immolation on Oct 18, 2009 7:51:24 GMT -5
I hope you feel better Sue.
love, me.
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Post by Taratula38 on Oct 18, 2009 10:50:32 GMT -5
My Dearest Sue
We have not spoken in a great while yet I think of you often. I have been praying for you ...with a heart that is so heavy with sadness.
I am sorry I have been away so long, but with all the moving around and trying to find a place ..time just got away from me.
I remember when we first talked as if we had known each other our whole lives. How we shared...not morgie talk but just stories about life.
I want to cry...to lash out...I'm full of outrage because you are so sick.
I once said to you... Don't ever give this s**t permission to take over your body and you found reason with what I said. Know that I only meant to help you be more positive.
I love you Sue...as if you were my own sister. If it had not been for you, there were many nights I just would not have made it..
When Cherry passed away...you know that had been hard for me to deal with.....
You were right there ever the faithful friend trying to reassure me.
I want to apologize right here and right now for not being there as I should have.
I have the postcard you sent me from the islands framed as a reminder of a very happy time for you.
I'm so full of emotion...I hardly know how to put it in words.
But knowing you, and having your imprint on my spirit has been more healing than any of the meds I have taken.
I am always here Suebe ....If you or Tom should need me.
I will always love you sister....
As you have become to me a piece of the fabric that makes me who I am.
With all my luv
Cynthia
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Post by liatris on Oct 18, 2009 15:47:23 GMT -5
Dear Sue, I am so sorry to hear this. Most of us naturally resist leaving this world. It seems the best we can do is to relax and let go as much as possible---and I know that that can be difficult for many different reasons. You sound as good as can be imagined . May you and your family have great courage and deep peace and may angels and all that is good and compassionate assist you gently and lovingly on your journey. With much love to you, Liatris
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Post by overandover on Oct 19, 2009 11:37:01 GMT -5
I deleted my last post cause it was a jumbled mess, try not to get on when mixed up, hee hee OK I'm a mixed up ole gal all the time, right. Gosh I love youguys so much. To make my post short. I've had loads of love. A great hubby. Wonderful children even with the trials of bring them up the love we get from them is 10000 times worth it, huh All is will with me and who ever said Doctors Know All, not no one here, I'm sure. Anyone know how to use a scan?, got one came with my printer years ago, never learned how to use it. I'd like to post the cat scan, who's to say it's not the leasions others with Morgellons have, can't get the MRI and they have not done a biopsy on my brain so how can they call it cancer. Just wants to do more treatment that could very well kill me. I'm not being in denial, i'm not, I hear what they say, but where is the proff, as far as I know small cell cancer is from Morgellons. I don't want to scare you all but I do wish you all get get MRI'S and test for cancer, we have to put a stop to all this mess. My daughter said when ever they find something inside and they don't know what it is, they always call it cancer, don't know if thats true or not, but it would not surprise me. Our Lady Bugs has started itching on her paws now, Tom takes her to the Vet. this afternoon, over the weekend she pulled all the skin off the top of her foot and the bone is showing. This lady better put her foot under the microscope this time. I'm so angry that they never look at things, man it makes me so angry. I think I better get my butt in the car and go also and raise some hell. I hope this post made sence and I'm sorry I keep on and on. Feel like I'm on some real strange drugs, if only it made me feel good and not just a mixed up mess. I love ya's so much xoxoxoxoxo Suebe
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Post by overandover on Oct 19, 2009 11:38:51 GMT -5
Thank you pinning this for me, I love you all so much and pray evryone is feeling better with each day. You all deserve only good things in life.
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Post by Carrie♥ on Oct 19, 2009 15:55:35 GMT -5
I respect your decision Sue and I am so sorry to come here today to find this message. The stories of you and your boy have touched my life and will stay with me for the rest of my life. I will NEVER forget either of you. I am so sorry and sad right now to hear about this... ...I thought you were getting better.
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Post by bannanny on Oct 20, 2009 3:12:59 GMT -5
I'm so very very sad this is happening to you my sweet suebe... and I'm sorry I haven't been here til now. But I haven't been able to get internet access for a week. I was finally able to get online today and checked in here at my home away from home to see my beautiful family I've been missing.
Your post was the first thing I wanted to read... I always feel so much love in your posts and I felt it well up inside of me as it always does when I started to read your brave words. But every other emotion there is to feel inside followed... helplessness, sorrow, and anger.
I know you know how much I love you suebe... I love everything you are. I'm so grateful for you too... you've been such a blessing in my life. You taught me to be strong during the times I felt I couldn't go on... most times even without knowing you did. I'd read your words and see how much courage you have in your heart... they're all I ever needed to find strength in myself again. Not only have you enabled my strength so many many times... you've also made me laugh, cry, and you've allowed me to reach out. But most of all, you've shown me what love is in its purest of forms.
I can't say I remember knowing anyone quite like you before. I've not once read a harsh word from you or even heard you complain. You always seem to be able to keep love in your heart, never allowing anger to take its place... no matter the trials and losses you've had to endure in this life.
I'm not near the person you are, altho I've tried my best to be. I had one child who was given up for adoption... I was only 15 and had no say in the matter. Yes, we found each other when he was 23 yrs. old and we've become very close. But I'm not his mother... I didn't raise him, so what we have will never be a true mother/son relationship. We love each other deeply, but most everything that regards being a mother is reserved for the wonderful woman who adopted him. We haven't seen each other in 6 years due to morgellons tho... and I was never able to have any more children. Two ectopic pregnancies in each of my 2 marriages that both ended in divorce.
I'm gonna say something now that might not go over very well... but it's what my heart is feeling. It's what I've been trying to get at with all I've said so far. Something that others here along with you might not understand, and may even think is selfish on my part. But it's truly from my heart...
I don't have a family of my own, I don't have animals for the first time in my life... not since moregllons took my last 3 dogs from me. That in itself has left me empty inside. It's also consumed not only me, but my home as well. I see so much of it that it's turned my life into a living hell. It's a place I don't know how to live in now suebe... but you still have so much you want to live for.
So I've asked God to heal you and let you remain here with your husband and children. The picture of you not only shows your beauty shining thru, it also shows how much love is in your hearts. I want you to be able to be here to hold your girls babies... to hold your grand children one day. I want you to be able to grow old with Tom and I want you to have the joy and peace you so very much deserve to feel and have in your life.
So I'm also asking God to take me in your place and let you live. I'm not doing a good job of it down here and am no help to anyone anymore. I'm not functioning due to what I see of morgellons and how it's surrounding and smothering me. So this may sound selfish on my part and seem that I'm only looking for an escape... but that's not my reason. I just love you so much more than I love life anymore. You have so much to live for and your love itself spreads into others hearts like a miracle. As for me, I haven't been able to spread much of anything but negativity lately. Morgellons has beaten me and I can't find a way out... so I can't be of help to anyone else now. Like I said... I'm not doing a very good job of living. I only hope I'll do a better job of serving God when He lets me come home. It's in His hands now... but as lilsissy put it, I'll continue my petition to Him that He let me take your place.
I'll always be here for you tho suebe, no matter where I am or where you are. I'm always gonna treasure the priviledge and blessing of knowing you. I love you as a sister too... and I want so desperately for you to live.
I'm your forever friend tho... your stuck with me girl. I know we'll have that cup of coffee together one day too. But the porch we'll be on will be the one God is sitting across from us on... the porch I'll be able to thank Him for giving me you on.
My love always and forever ~~ Robin
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Post by overandover on Oct 21, 2009 11:49:10 GMT -5
My Bannanny and dear friends, I feel the love and I thank God for all of you.
I wish I could get my mind right so that I could write more but I'm just a mess. Tomorrow at 1pm the hospital team will be here, hoping they can help me with something to help clear my brain and help my eyes.
Feeling hopeful and thankful for all of you, praying CDC comes for answers soon.
Love, xoxoxoxoxoSuebe
Bannanny I have a great husband and I hate the thought of him being alone, he loves critters also, sounds like someone else I love xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxxoxSuebe
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Post by violet on Oct 21, 2009 12:54:53 GMT -5
I'm so very very sad this is happening to you my sweet suebe... and I'm sorry I haven't been here til now. But I haven't been able to get internet access for a week. I was finally able to get online today and checked in here at my home away from home to see my beautiful family I've been missing. Your post was the first thing I wanted to read... I always feel so much love in your posts and I felt it well up inside of me as it always does when I started to read your brave words. But every other emotion there is to feel inside followed... helplessness, sorrow, and anger. I know you know how much I love you suebe... I love everything you are. I'm so grateful for you too... you've been such a blessing in my life. You taught me to be strong during the times I felt I couldn't go on... most times even without knowing you did. I'd read your words and see how much courage you have in your heart... they're all I ever needed to find strength in myself again. Not only have you enabled my strength so many many times... you've also made me laugh, cry, and you've allowed me to reach out. But most of all, you've shown me what love is in its purest of forms. I can't say I remember knowing anyone quite like you before. I've not once read a harsh word from you or even heard you complain. You always seem to be able to keep love in your heart, never allowing anger to take its place... no matter the trials and losses you've had to endure in this life. I'm not near the person you are, altho I've tried my best to be. I had one child who was given up for adoption... I was only 15 and had no say in the matter. Yes, we found each other when he was 23 yrs. old and we've become very close. But I'm not his mother... I didn't raise him, so what we have will never be a true mother/son relationship. We love each other deeply, but most everything that regards being a mother is reserved for the wonderful woman who adopted him. We haven't seen each other in 6 years due to morgellons tho... and I was never able to have any more children. Two ectopic pregnancies in each of my 2 marriages that both ended in divorce. I'm gonna say something now that might not go over very well... but it's what my heart is feeling. It's what I've been trying to get at with all I've said so far. Something that others here along with you might not understand, and may even think is selfish on my part. But it's truly from my heart... I don't have a family of my own, I don't have animals for the first time in my life... not since moregllons took my last 3 dogs from me. That in itself has left me empty inside. It's also consumed not only me, but my home as well. I see so much of it that it's turned my life into a living hell. It's a place I don't know how to live in now suebe... but you still have so much you want to live for. So I've asked God to heal you and let you remain here with your husband and children. The picture of you not only shows your beauty shining thru, it also shows how much love is in your hearts. I want you to be able to be here to hold your girls babies... to hold your grand children one day. I want you to be able to grow old with Tom and I want you to have the joy and peace you so very much deserve to feel and have in your life. So I'm also asking God to take me in your place and let you live. I'm not doing a good job of it down here and am no help to anyone anymore. I'm not functioning due to what I see of morgellons and how it's surrounding and smothering me. So this may sound selfish on my part and seem that I'm only looking for an escape... but that's not my reason. I just love you so much more than I love life anymore. You have so much to live for and your love itself spreads into others hearts like a miracle. As for me, I haven't been able to spread much of anything but negativity lately. Morgellons has beaten me and I can't find a way out... so I can't be of help to anyone else now. Like I said... I'm not doing a very good job of living. I only hope I'll do a better job of serving God when He lets me come home. It's in His hands now... but as lilsissy put it, I'll continue my petition to Him that He let me take your place. I'll always be here for you tho suebe, no matter where I am or where you are. I'm always gonna treasure the priviledge and blessing of knowing you. I love you as a sister too... and I want so desperately for you to live. I'm your forever friend tho... your stuck with me girl. I know we'll have that cup of coffee together one day too. But the porch we'll be on will be the one God is sitting across from us on... the porch I'll be able to thank Him for giving me you on. My love always and forever ~~ Robin Bannanny, no way can I support you in that, though I know the deep-seated love from your big-hearted soul from which these words came. We don't have to make deals with God. He sees us each as individuals and has a plan for each of us individually. He has a plan for you, Nans. He has a plan for Suebe. And whatever those plans are are in your best interest and in his eternal wisdom. What I pray is that you each can be delivered, if that is his will. And that if that is not in his will, that you each will feel his deep love and care for you and that you can trust him for his purposes and your best, in spite of such awful illnesses. I love you both. Bannanny, this Board is not the same without you posting here, so you just better not leave us yet!!!!!!!!
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Post by 22122agin on Oct 23, 2009 2:37:10 GMT -5
Now bannanny, I've read your fine writings many a time and are deeply inspired by its content. You are a deeply caring person. I know you love suebe but she would want you to be here. I don't think God makes deals to switch places. That is most noble of you to want that. She still has family. Many of us don't. But even those who look alone to others really aren't and they serve a purpose unseen. Life is a great gift and the gift to one another that you have often given. Death take you up on a deal but you might regret it later once you get on the other side of the fence. I think if you stay with a prayerful heart the way you are that you will see you give the most by being who you are, the deeply feeling person that you are.
I take a fancy to birds that come by my window. I can't have pets but used to have them years ago. Somehow the birds know I need a friend sometimes. I think if you really think about it all the people here who know and love you and I thought of one other person who does not come here anymore who oftens wonders how you are. So you have made a difference in people living, still here as we are at this moment. Please see your importance to stay with us. We love you too. 22122
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Post by toni on Oct 24, 2009 11:07:51 GMT -5
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Post by bannanny on Oct 25, 2009 23:27:18 GMT -5
Your words mean alot and I thank you for them, but this thread isn't about me and I don't want it to be. That wasn't my intention... I just said what I feel to suebe. I love her so very much. So please let it go at that.
I'm praying for you suebe... not for me, for you.
I'm giving you a warm hug right now too ~~ bannanny
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Post by suebe on Oct 27, 2009 1:57:35 GMT -5
My Dear Bannanny I did feel the love and understand the prayer the Lord take you and give health for the loves one, my lord I begged God to take me for my Josh each and everyday but my dear friend our Lord only knows why, one day we will have that greater understanding, but we can not change or wish or lords plans, oh how wonderful our world would be peace among all mankind, no war, no pain, no Morgellons, no pain in children, no cancer, no empty arms for mothers, no santa's for waiting littleones, no no no eyes looking up for the planes coming over to drop bags of rice to feed folks who had no sleep the night before from pain in the belly with empty bellys and the promise of promise of those possable of the arrival of those planes to feed there children. If only we could ask our lord to make it all better and get that on a deal, how wonderful it would be, or would it be? Do we really what to have the change of the future on a wish of love. We have to keep our faith of God, we will get the understanding oneday. You may have missed my wish to God, there was one here for you, for the love of my life. I have been blessed with a wonderful, understanding, sexy, hard working husband and the blessing of great girls, Billi Sue getting ready to become a mother (she needs a mommy many questions) Tina in school needing a momma reminding how smart, and a great go getter aa girl with a beautiful heart and just plan beautiful, folks with Morgellons needing support of good R.N. that will treat them with respect, she can do it. My oldest Hope, my oldest, so smart, a much needed Social Service with olders who needed special treatment of elders with Morgellons. And my goodness, Oh my gosh she was so young when I had her and she needs a young hearted best friend momma for long answers and talks about the questions of this crazy world, she needs that giggles can go so far. (So I'm not so mixed up sounding, this post has taken so long and don't want to restart over) Please bare with me. Bannanny I love you so very much. I feel the love my friend, so so much, now hear my prayer and please don't let it go over your head this time, please, I'll say it again it again Kaykay ;D I was blessed with a great hubby, can't stand thinking of him being alone, that hurts me to the very pore of my heart of me, some lady with a good beautiful heart needs to hold this handsom sexy man, he loves critters and I know a wonderful beautiful sexy lady also who loves critters also. NOW THINK MY DEAR FRIEND PLEASE, don't let it go over your pretty head, kaykay And wonderful girls who will be left with such a empty hole in their heaarts, a baby grandbaby son will be here for a wonderful christmas gift of love, Grannys are the best arms for rocking him goodnite and sing the best songs and smell that sweet smell of a new baby,new earth and the many years of funnies to watch the little buggers growing and gifts of the antics of little MASON JOSHUA ALLAN, HE WILL BE SUCH FUN AND SUCH A BLSSING FOR HIS NANNY, rocking him will be such a blessing I could look to peek down and watch to look now and see this loving life that should be. Such a great gift of watching my grandbabie being the apple of the eyes a nanny loving him like I love him and I'd feel such happiness, loads of love, sweet caring him, watching his safeness, feeling so very loved aand tons of giggles and teaching a great of respect of the wonderful critters our God have made for him. The strength and guts a Nanny could pass on to my grandson, my Mason Joshuas. He is pleased of wonderful parents and a grandpa that will love him so very much and be the apple of his eyes, want or need he could ever have and boy oh boy he has so wonderful aunties that have a world of wonders to teach him, such fun things to learn stuff from thr bust aunties and uncles to pass on to him. He will be sp loved, he's so loved now, bet he comes out asking hey ma where are the fun aunties and tell my uncles to get the fishing pools ready and get us some movies, popcorn ready, ready for so funnies, lets roll, get the bike oui. I hope everyone thinks I'm not crazy right now. My life is everyone to me and I want them to know how very much I love him. I'd love to find the best Nanny in the whole world out there in the world. I want my wonderful to be love cause when he loved, it's so very complete, the best. Very few folks could meet the best I want for my loves of my lives and that concels you also, I know the best is you, no better person then you. Hospis now is on board, morphin on board I hope confirm you more, your the very best on eearth. I want love for you, I waant health for yoy. I want to answer for th hell of Morgellons HELL we all work, still worst then cancer, even morphin still won. please don't get upset by me, it's all love xoxoxoxoxxoxxoxoxoxooxxoxoxSuebe Hospital nurse and doctors have me on morphine, not loads of help with pain but very mixed up, can't find my words at all anymore. Hope this makes sence, what a mess, where are my words, spelling Love to all xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoSuebe
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Post by ctbarb on Oct 27, 2009 13:39:08 GMT -5
Oh Dear Sweet, Sweet Suebe, You can hear the LOVE all through your message! Don't worry, your family will be loved, they will miss you terribly, but they will send the love to you as you will to them! I think of you everyday and pray you are free from this pain. I'm glad to know that Hospice is there for you and have you on their regimen. They are wonderful folks...I use to work with them at times. They will take great care of you. Please write whenever you can, we all love to hear from you...don't worry about typos, who cares? Certainly none of us! Just keep thinking of your wonderful friends and family and all the love they are sending your way! The Lord is by your side, just holding your hand each and every step of the way...... You're such a treasure to all of us, just know how much you are admired and loved! I feel personally that I will have a very special angel on my shoulder when I need her....you! Thank you for your kindnesses, your love, and compassion...you have been and are a great strength to us all! Love you so much, Barb
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Post by bannanny on Oct 27, 2009 16:30:31 GMT -5
I could never be upset with you suebe... and your words made beautiful and perfect sense to me. They always have and they always will.
I know now that I was wrong... and I'm so sorry my dear friend. Sometimes I become so overwhelmed by morgs, I just don't think right. I don't feel too good about what I said now... I had no right to say it. Also becuz for a moment, I'd stopped thinking about the pain that's consuming so many others in this world... something I never want to forget. So I want to apologize now for what I said.
I only asked God what I did becuz I love you so so much and I feel like I'm not doing the job I should be doing anymore. I just don't feel worthy right now. But you've shown me something again... just like you've always done. You've shown me what it really means to love and what it means to accept Gods plan and why one should never try to make a deal with Him. I thank you for that sweet suebe... and for all the strength you give to me, even when you're fighting for your own strength to see you thru. You're always gonna live in my heart... I'll never let you go.
I've sent you a pm... if you're able, and if only for a little bit, I would so love to be able to call you. I honestly love you with everything that's me. You're one of the most precious souls I've ever been blessed to have in my life. I'll treasure your friendship forever... and thank you for being the beautiful person you are suebe.
all my love ~~ Robin
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Post by mercury on Oct 27, 2009 19:22:30 GMT -5
Oh Suebe you touch my heart so deeply. I just love you so much and know that you are surrounded by God's loving angels. So much Love, Mercury
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Post by friskers on Oct 27, 2009 22:46:55 GMT -5
Thankyou Sue for coming here and posting even though your sick and it is hard for you to write . It all makes sense though even though you say your confused! What a special woman you are. so concerned for your husband your trying to fix him up already!!! That real selfless unconditional love you have for your husband! Sue we all love and want to keep hearing from you but promise not to strain yourself and rest when you need to and dont worry about us! Im glad your getting help with hopice and dont be afraid to ask for more morphine if you need it, dont suffer more than you have already Love and prayers, Friskers
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Post by Sidney on Nov 1, 2009 0:06:22 GMT -5
Sue, what a joy to read all the love within you. You made me smile and feel weepy all at the same time.
I knew your daughter would name that baby boy after her brother.
Mason Joshua is such a beautiful name and a lasting tribute to your son, Josh.
We all love you and hold you in our hearts, minds and prayers so many times each day.
Much love and admiration,
Sid
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Post by ctbarb on Nov 3, 2009 23:46:49 GMT -5
Dear Sweet Sue... Just had to stop in and say hello to the greatest gal with the best sense of humor, filled with love and kindness too! I think of you everyday and pray with all my heart for you and your loving family. I hope you are being made as comfortable as can be, that you are spending time with your family and friends...I'm sure they're knocking down the doors to get to you! Please know how much you are loved, and we cherish all of the wonderful knowledge, pix, and fun times we've shared with you too. Rest easy my Sweet Sue, and the Good Lord is listening to your every word, your every wish, and your every prayer... Much love to you, Barb
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