Post by 2.99(plus~tax) on Aug 15, 2008 20:29:56 GMT -5
There is light at the end of the tunnel. I see vivid color, all the colors that make halves whole again. It is not darkness I find when I close my eyes, drifting deeper into my subconscious self when I'm sleeping. No....I don't see darkness. I see light, many colors, many waves.
I am strong when I sleep, almost a warrior. A survivor because another night has passed and I go on. Pulling my strength from the night before, I rise. Today is another day, and I inspire myself reflecting on the strength I see in the spirit I have, the strength I observe in other's who walk in the same shoes as I.
I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see it in quiet moments, peaceful breezes, my daughter's unconditional eyes. And I think to myself....of not what I have lost, but of what I still have. not always do I think this way, but with all that I am.... I try to.
As I'm popping the supplements, getting my child ready for school, fighting with the spouse over who gets the shower next, defeat sometimes sets in. I tire of being tired, I'm sick of being sick and I'm all crapped out from being a crappy complainer. And before I take the spatula and whack the next person who asks me to do something for them that they could perfectly well do themselves, it comes to me.
An epiphany, I am not my symptoms. Even though I have them, I am not them. Even though I have Morgellons, I....., am not morgellons. And that is that. I remind myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if I can get through the day, distracting myself ~from myself, which is really hard to do, I get to see that light again.
I have to remind myself why that light is important to me. Some time I make mental lists, sometimes I write them down. I have noticed my list for why I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel has grown into a life of it's own.
That list, which was rather small when I started, has a heartbeat, has a pulse now.When the time is right I'm hoping that all the reasons I wrote that list will merge with my strength.
for I will have risen above these awful symptoms, the self doubt, the pain and misery, the guilt, and the dark moments to see the light in a different way.
To not only see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but to see that that light........is me.
I hope some of you can relate.
pnut
I am strong when I sleep, almost a warrior. A survivor because another night has passed and I go on. Pulling my strength from the night before, I rise. Today is another day, and I inspire myself reflecting on the strength I see in the spirit I have, the strength I observe in other's who walk in the same shoes as I.
I do see the light at the end of the tunnel. I see it in quiet moments, peaceful breezes, my daughter's unconditional eyes. And I think to myself....of not what I have lost, but of what I still have. not always do I think this way, but with all that I am.... I try to.
As I'm popping the supplements, getting my child ready for school, fighting with the spouse over who gets the shower next, defeat sometimes sets in. I tire of being tired, I'm sick of being sick and I'm all crapped out from being a crappy complainer. And before I take the spatula and whack the next person who asks me to do something for them that they could perfectly well do themselves, it comes to me.
An epiphany, I am not my symptoms. Even though I have them, I am not them. Even though I have Morgellons, I....., am not morgellons. And that is that. I remind myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if I can get through the day, distracting myself ~from myself, which is really hard to do, I get to see that light again.
I have to remind myself why that light is important to me. Some time I make mental lists, sometimes I write them down. I have noticed my list for why I want to see the light at the end of the tunnel has grown into a life of it's own.
That list, which was rather small when I started, has a heartbeat, has a pulse now.When the time is right I'm hoping that all the reasons I wrote that list will merge with my strength.
for I will have risen above these awful symptoms, the self doubt, the pain and misery, the guilt, and the dark moments to see the light in a different way.
To not only see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but to see that that light........is me.
I hope some of you can relate.
pnut