AKA Jess
Full Member
Sweet Disposition...Never Too Soon...Oh, Reckless Abandon...Like Noone's Watching You....
Posts: 161
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 3:43:36 GMT -5
Post by AKA Jess on Jul 16, 2007 3:43:36 GMT -5
This stuff has ruined my life, all in all... Throughout the years it's stolen so much from me and mine, never stopping completely since it began; consistently draining anything good from my existence until I felt like I had no choice but to resign and let it get the best of me, just to be given sudden slack on the "chains" that accompany this illness. I have remained engaged in the grips of a terrifying and consuming battle. This "thing", the invasive and relentless, life-altering, ravenous and brilliant infection has taken the lives of myself, my daughter and my mom hostage and shows no signs of folding. I am very down and out right now...feeling pretty hopeless about it all. It's summertime---my very worst season of every year when it comes to Morgellons symptoms---and I've been miserable this year, when compared to last summer or the one before last, I've gone way downhill and that scares me a lot. I feel like if I back peddle again after having so much progress and for such a long period of time I will give up and think it's not ever gonna end. Then, the realist in me is like: "Duh! This very well may never end in my lifetime...the rest of my life could very well consist of this way of so-called living, and I cant bear the thought of that...
|
|
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 5:50:08 GMT -5
Post by socalsandy on Jul 16, 2007 5:50:08 GMT -5
Jess, My heart hurts when I see someone so young , so sad. Please dear don't give up, It's been a real bad patch for me too right now. But stay focused on your daughter. Is she aware that she has this ? I am pretty sure my 3 grandaughters have this and I am positive my daughter too, she is 38. We must not give up for them. I am going on 13 years that I have had lesions and junk coming out of me and at times get really scared, so I say again my heart aches for you and please email me if you need to. you will be in my prayers, Sandra !
|
|
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 8:09:19 GMT -5
Post by abbienormal on Jul 16, 2007 8:09:19 GMT -5
Jess,
Your post is truly heartbreaking. This disease is so powerful and unrelentless that it is hard to find words to give comfort and hope when we all know what each day brings. I understand how this life-sucking monster leaves us battered and lifeless from one moment to the next.
You have to hold on to the things that you have and find things that make you happy, no matter how big or little or insignificant they are. You have to find ways to laugh, especially at yourself.
You have your girl and your mom and you have each other to hold up when one falls down. That in itself is a miracle: you are not alone.
The fact that this may be the way that we all have to live for a very long time means that we have no choice (at least not right now) but to really find some peace and joy in the most unlikely of places. We really need to seek and search for our moments of happiness and when we find them, squeeze them dry.
Now that I have Lyme and Morgellons, when I have the delicious opportunity to experience a really good laugh or even a baby laugh, I turn around and look at that laugh and really say: Wow, that was really good and delicious to feel that. And when Mr. Abbie makes me laugh, I always thank him for making me laugh.
I think that we really have to heighten our everyday experiences that come to us untouched by this blasted disease.
I don't know if what I said is clear and I know it is hard to comfort you but try and do what makes you happy or makes you forget for even a moment. I am sorry for you and your girl and your mom. And I know it brings you no comfort that we are all suffering with you. I hope that you find some moments of peace today and that you don't give up HOPE. Hope in yourself, especially.
I usually hesitate in writing posts to offer comfort because I feel so incompetent and clumsy trying to do so especially in the face of this disease.
Your avatar is very beautiful.
AbbieN
|
|
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 9:58:19 GMT -5
Post by bugsy on Jul 16, 2007 9:58:19 GMT -5
Awww Jess. Cheer up man. We are all in this together...yet separately. You look like a beautiful young woman with your whole life ahead of you. If it wasn't for my daughter I don't think I would be able to go on somedays. I even put on a positive face and attitude for her sometimes .... and an odd thing happens .... sometimes just going through the motions of being happy....makes it better...one foot in front of the other....sounds odd I know but works for me mostly. Not always...but mostly. Ha.
Hope things get better for you!!!
~Bugsy
|
|
josej
Full Member
Posts: 140
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 10:37:12 GMT -5
Post by josej on Jul 16, 2007 10:37:12 GMT -5
Jess,
I'm not going to give you any lame advice, because truth is what you're experiencing is exactly what this disease does to you. It robs your soul... your dreams... your hopes... and it makes you ask yourself a lot of really difficult questions about life.
My wife sometimes feels like, "if this is how I'm going to be for the rest of my life, I don't really want to live". That's not her mantra. That's just a bit of reality.
So, before I depress you any further. hahahaha.... I just want to remind you that this disease hits you in cycles. It's especially hard on your mind and your emotions. It makes you want to throw-in-the-towel. Don't. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. You're having a really rough time right now. And I'm sorry. I don't know you, but I can sympathize with you because this happens in my home as well. But I guarantee that these bad times will fade away. Good feelings will return. You probably don't believe it right now, but they will. I've seen my wife come back from the very brink of the abyss.
And, may I also remind you of what you already know? What's the title of your post?
I'm saying a prayer for your Jess.
|
|
|
FAITH
Jul 16, 2007 15:56:03 GMT -5
Post by Taratula38 on Jul 16, 2007 15:56:03 GMT -5
Hey Jess
Good to hear from you even though you are down in the dumps. I know the feeling well enough to send what compassion I have left to you.
It will ease up....you know. I dont wanna live the rest of my life with this either....Im trying my damdest to kick it.
Keep ur head up Jess....
|
|