linda
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Post by linda on Jun 6, 2005 0:03:20 GMT -5
Hi guys,
I'm trying to be honest with myself here. The stuff is in my head and it is not coming out. I believe it is causing me to feel tired and depressed; I've just been so depressed for so long. I now believe that I need medical assistance with my morgellons-induced depression. I've heard some mention that certain antidepressants kill the "bug." Which ones? Why? How? I'm thinking that I need something really bad. I becoming a tired, sad mommy, a bad mommy. I don't want to be that person. If I only live but an hour more, it needs to be the best hour of my life.
Any suggestions?
Thanks, Linda
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Post by frisk on Jun 6, 2005 1:12:02 GMT -5
I take doxepin and it really heps. I tried going off it and the itching and crawling got way worse. Ihave gained alot of weight though from it and its very hard to get upin the morning. I feel like Ive been in a coma! Better than the sleepless nights I was having. Im on a low dose. The higher doses made me very spaced out. If you have a weight prob already I would not try it. Put a damper on my sex drive too- that for me was a positive !! Frisky Cat
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Post by pattiecakes on Jun 6, 2005 7:09:35 GMT -5
Linda, I cant help you with your question but I wanted to tell you that my heart goes out to you. I know how bad it feels to feel like your being a bad mommy. I have been there and it really kills me.
Being mommy is so important and it just gets so hard when your sick. Just remember you are under a great deal of physical and emotional strain and give yourself a break. Try not to be too hard on yourself.
My thoughts are with you...
hugs. pattiecakes
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guest
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Post by guest on Jun 6, 2005 14:35:03 GMT -5
Hi Linda, I haven't posted in a long time, but I just had to today. It's me, chrissy, fellow mom. I can't help as far as what meds to take, I can only offer my understanding and love. If you're feeling the need to go on something, then do it. (Just be careful of the side effects.) Things have been bad. Things will one day be better. Hang on to that. And try your best to go with the flow. Sometimes you just have to relax and say screw it, today I will not worry. I have been bad mom enough to know exactly where you're coming from. And I too hate every minute of it. The sad part is, most times it's been because I'm so friggin worried about my kids!! Oh the irony of it all. So unfair. Hey, maybe this sauna thing will prove to be a miracle. In the meantime, take a deep breath, do what you must, then leave the rest of your worries behind as often as you can. I have been working on that, and it helps. And hey, maybe the anti depressives will help with your symptoms. Do what you gotta do sweetie and best of luck to you. Remember, none of us are perfect and mommy guilt can swallow you whole. Don't let it get ya!!
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Post by guest on Jun 6, 2005 14:36:01 GMT -5
Hi Linda, I haven't posted in a long time, but I just had to today. It's me, chrissy, fellow mom. I can't help as far as what meds to take, I can only offer my understanding and love. If you're feeling the need to go on something, then do it. (Just be careful of the side effects.) Things have been bad. Things will one day be better. Hang on to that. And try your best to go with the flow. Sometimes you just have to relax and say screw it, today I will not worry. I have been bad mom enough to know exactly where you're coming from. And I too hate every minute of it. The sad part is, most times it's been because I'm so friggin worried about my kids!! Oh the irony of it all. So unfair. Hey, maybe this sauna thing will prove to be a miracle. In the meantime, take a deep breath, do what you must, then leave the rest of your worries behind as often as you can. I have been working on that, and it helps. And hey, maybe the anti depressives will help with your symptoms. Do what you gotta do sweetie and best of luck to you. Remember, none of us are perfect and mommy guilt can swallow you whole. Don't let it get ya!!
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Post by jodyann52 on Jun 6, 2005 17:57:22 GMT -5
linda my kids r all grown.but i take care of my granddaughter and sometimes it is hard.but it cost so much for day care. and i like it when she is with me. i do know how hard it is. but just hang in there.it will get better.linda i'm taking (neurorotin) i think i spelled it right it helps so much. i can sleep so much better. it helps the nerve endings.so maybe your dr could give it to you.god bless you!!!!!!
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Post by Lisa on Jun 6, 2005 20:15:27 GMT -5
"The stuff is in my head and it is not coming out."
Linda, can you be more specific? Do you mean the things you think about or the disease itself? Like for me, it's my scalp, sinuses... well, my whole damn head really.
"I've heard some mention that certain antidepressants kill the "bug." Which ones?"
The only name I can remember is Orap (Pimozide) and it had bad side effects associated with it.
One of the meds I would NOT suggest taking is Wellbutrin. It made me mean and b*t*hy. After I quit taking it, I found out it did the same thing to several other women who have this. I've been taking St. Johns Wort and I started feeling better about 2-3 weeks after starting it. I don't know if it's just a fluke or not, but if it's looking like it will work in the long term, I'll post back.
For fatigue or brain fog, some take Provigil or Adderal. I hate throwing out drug names because I know it's best not to take them. I wish I never started, but sometimes you gotta do what it takes to make it through (at least that's what I tell myself)
Everyone gave such good advice. In those moments when you feel like you are being a bad mommy, just stop, take a deep breath and get off the ride. You have the will within yourself to make every hour be the best hour. I know this sounds like a bunch of babble, but I believe you and all of us are much stronger than this disease. At times it doesn't seem like it to me, but it's true.
I decided a while back that although Lyme/Morgellons had me physically, it was no longer going to have my mind. I had to make the choice and stick to it. I still fail at it times and I can't seem to get the sleep thing on track, but when the Morgellons Mind Messer Upper rears it's ugly head, I try real hard not to let it get to me. Easier said than done, I know.
Keep fighting the good fight and remember you are doing the best you can under horrible circumstances.
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Post by Administration on Jun 7, 2005 0:11:29 GMT -5
Years ago they tried Welbutrin with me.. Made me even meaner than I am now! Can ya even imagine ~
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Post by sledge13 on Jun 7, 2005 4:06:02 GMT -5
The RX that has helped me the most when the symptoms start or are unbearable is Klonipin, an anti-convulsant, like neurontin, that also works as an anti-anxiety. I have also taken doxipin and zoloft, which did nothing but increase my fatigue, I am glad anti-depressants have helped some. The sulfur soaps/shampoos, antibiotics concontaining sulfur (Bactrim DS) & MSM lotion and oral supplements that you can buy over-the counter @ most drug stores has also reduced my symptoms greatly. When I start to sting or itch, i apply the lotion and wipe it off with a paper towel, often extracting one of the "creatures" & the symptoms stop. The things are getting smalller & smaller & I have not seen a large, ble or red fuzzball appear from my skin in a very long time, now.
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Post by debbie on Jun 7, 2005 5:25:24 GMT -5
Hi Linda
Last night I typed up a reply (and like many times before) I deleted it as soon as I read it, feeling my input would not be important..... But, after reading Lisa mentioning the St Johns Wort, I have decided I am better of just saying what I feel....
I am so sorry Linda, it is hard when you have kids and especially if they are young & so dependant on you.
But I am one who is against antidepressants. I have been watching my husband over the last 2 years & can't tell you much on the positive side of taking antidepressants. As far as I am concerned he has every good reason to be depressed (he was knocked off his motor bike 2.5 years ago) and is still waiting on operations, he spends his life at doctors, physiotherapists, phyciatrists, physcologists & the only good thing that came from the antidepressants was it fixed his sleeping problems, but his personality really has gone down hill on them, and they have tried a few different types... Now why change the way the brain thinks. Its thinking right.... What he is going through is not a happy thing, and why should he take a pill to tell his brain to be happy about all this pain & stuffing around to get better... MAKES NO SENSE TO ME.... Same with Morgellons symptoms, they are not nice & why should the brain be told to accept these symptoms & be happy with them...
What I suggested in my reply last night was St. Johns wort (like Lisa) but after reading a lot about the product, it seems that maybe it won't be so effective if you are really badly depressed... But after reading Lisa's thread..... I say its worth giving a try, before going with the antidepressants...
Some of these antidepressants, turn my husband into a bit of zombie at times & he is more withdrawn & when you have kids you need all the UMFF you can get...
Perhaps the St Johns Wort & an immunity builder as well as a really good diet, including Omega 3 fatty acids, they are good for depression... Bananna's are good.... I had a really good link I found last night that I posted in my original post to you, but now I cannot find it....
Linda, its just my input (and the road I would travel).... You know your body & of course you will make up your own mind....
Wishing you well & please keep us informed on how you are feeling..... take care.......
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linda
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Post by linda on Jun 7, 2005 5:41:37 GMT -5
Thanks all for your posts,
Lisa, while I feel I've rid most of my body of the fibers, etc. this time around, my head continues to itch like hell. My scalp is itchy, and I've become more tired than usual. Anxiety has definately been an issue. Maybe I'll try the St. John's Wort. I don't need to be any more bitchy, so I'll stay away from the Wellburtrin.
Chrissy, it's good to hear from you. Hope the kids are doing well.
Thanks again all, Linda
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Post by bb not registered on Jun 7, 2005 14:05:26 GMT -5
Linda,
I am on Seroquel. It is an anti-psychotic and anti-seizure medication, but it knocks my lights out at night. I have no other side effects other than deep sleep. It is awesome.
Anytime I mention it, even here, I get remarks about it. But I thank God for it every night when I get ready for bed. I take my pills, wait about an hour for them to kick in, and go to bed when I can't hold my eyes open anymore. Therefore, I endure NO TORTURE at night. It is heavenly! I may be the most rested Morgie alive!
Do talk to your doctor. There are soooooooo many drugs out there, and finding the right one for you is not always easy.
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Post by SpecueLatin on Jun 7, 2005 14:55:52 GMT -5
Hi Linda, Everybody's got their moments and kids are forgiving, bet with your conscientiousness, that you are one terrific mom even when you get a bit snappy sometimes. Kids will forgive you and if they remember those bad times at all after this is over, they will remember that you and they were sick and won't think a thing of the overreactions. You just keep building those good relations you have already with your children. maybe it is the time of the year, kind of a lull in things around this time when school lets out and the long endless summer lies ahead. the momentum really dies down, and I find it depressingneven with no kids in school. We stop doing eveything we have to do and start thinking too much and getting down on ourselves. Maybe you can squeeze in a little more rest for yourself right now. The seroquel can help you drop off that is for sure. Remember this is going to pass, I know it seems like it never will, but it will. Spec
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Post by jus me on Jun 8, 2005 8:31:08 GMT -5
Salt and c gave me my energy and clear thinking back and I feel the msm is killing them in my head. I am 90% better.
The reason didnt take the antidepressants was that I wanted to know when it was better and not just take something to mask it.
BUT you do what you feel is best Linda...we all have to tow our own loads so to speak.
good luck
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Post by adapted on Jun 9, 2005 10:26:53 GMT -5
Oh, my dear Linda. I hope & pray you will find something to snap you back into tip-top mental shape. I was one of the unlucky ones, having been on everything that's been mentioned here, plus a whole lot more. After four exhausting years of being unsuccessful, I couldn't keep it up any longer. There are more lucky ones, that find relief quickly in antidepressants, than those of us who don't, and I pray that you're one of them. For your scalp itchiness, why don't you give Nizoral medicated shampoo a try. When my daughter had problems with a fungal infection, the dermo prescribed this, and told her to shampoo anytime, and everytime, her scalp perspired. He'd said, even if it meant washing her hair six times, or more, per day. Yeah, it was a battle, but it worked. This shampoo was only available by prescription, back then, but you can find it anywhere now. It may be worth trying. Good luck to you, sweetie. As always, you & your babes are in my prayers. Love, Adapted
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linda
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Post by linda on Jun 9, 2005 12:19:12 GMT -5
Thanks Adapted,
Some days are better than others. I think I'd be able to handle things better if my kids didn't have Morgellons-related mental issues (ADHD, learning disabilities, sleeplessness, etc.) I'm actually thinking about going back to work part-time so that I can get a break from round-the-clock parenting. I know that others have it worse than me--it's not as if we're dying, yet. But the fight, the herbal experiments, the pacifying the teachers, the problems with organized sports, the dealing with the behavior issues, the fear of what is happening, it is just all so exhausting. I feel dizzy and neurotic often myself which doesn't help. We all have our crosses to bear in life; this just happens to be mine. Remember the song my the Rolling Stones--Mother's Little Helper? "She just needs something to calm her down...and though she's not really ill there's a little yellow pill...doctor please some more of these..." You know the song. I'm obviously not the first mother to feel this way, although Morgellons sure adds a nasty twist to the problem. Boy, a happy pill sure sounds tempting! Maybe I'll just do like the mom on the show Desperate Housewives and abuse my son's Adderall (he can't take it because he had a nasty scary reaction to it).
Again, I appreciate that you all have allowed me this place to vent, if nothing else. Still if I had a happy pill that killed this thing simultaneously wouldn't that be the bomb?
Thanks again, Linda
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Post by ebgbgms on Jun 14, 2005 0:23:20 GMT -5
Linda, I like adapted have been misdiagnosed for yrs. and on these med.s I know everyone has there ways of handeling meds. do u think it will affect u strongly? have u been on anything we mentioned? neurtion, im on for dystonia i dont have, i dont belive it is what u need. a mild one like lorazapam or klonipon, im on both been on so long cant hardly tell i take anything. i have on my own gone down to mostly prn doses. linda, when i was bad as u r now i needed it though. i suggest the lorazapam at low dose for panic and i just cant tell u about what antidepressent to take im on lexapro now, but i believe the diet and faith and this board really get me through. panic attacts and fear almost killed me. there is nothing wrong w/ a small rx for panic and talking w/ a doc u trust about the antidepressent. just keep your eyes open for drug reps just leavin, they will just start handing stuff out like candy after those reps leave all those samples and have talked thier talk and walked thier walk to the doc. no offense to any reps out there. each is diff. u will be fine keep going, i got so ticked one time when the board members told me this, but, they r right. r u a single mom? all my love ebgbglenda please message me if u want.
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Post by Orion*** on Jun 14, 2005 3:57:27 GMT -5
Thanks all for your posts, Lisa, while I feel I've rid most of my body of the fibers, etc. this time around, my head continues to itch like hell. My scalp is itchy, and I've become more tired than usual. Anxiety has definately been an issue. Maybe I'll try the St. John's Wort. I don't need to be any more bitchy, so I'll stay away from the Wellburtrin. Chrissy, it's good to hear from you. Hope the kids are doing well. Thanks again all, Linda -=-=-===-=-= Linda--when the scalp (head) itches---take a salt shaker and liberally shake some salt on your scalp---then rub it in real good all over...even a salt solution rense will help... On open sores I've found that neosporin dispatches them--I use it in my ears---Spray some salt solution up your nose. Q-tips are contaminated with morgellons but if you grease them smooth they will work ok. Its the black specks that your after--thats where the bad stuff comes from...I'm still waiting for something better to show up. I drink Quinine water a lot--aka; Tonic water--grocery store product. If quinine kills other blood parasites it should make it uncomfortable for the organism. It would seem to me that the bad dreams and mental symptoms could be a neurotoxic effect from the organism. Like most invaders it gives off toxins when it dies.. This vitamin C and salt seems like a good wrinkle to me---I am currently being treaated for babesiosis and perhaps this will have a positive effect on the morgellons.Over the years I have had all the classic synptoms of lyme but my test was negative. IGenX ran the tests but before I'm done with it I think I will run some blood by Bowens just for drill. So you see , I seem to have three goodies to get rid of. I have not been a happy camper by any means, I am sure that a cure will be found WHEN THERE IS ENOUGH MONEY IN IT. Same ol equasion. I have wondered if the disease was not dug up to, in the final annalissis . facilitate a cure on down the line. $$$ talks.. Invent a disease then sell the cure..just a thought--but that's the way the world turnes. Ask ol JDR--- Then there is always the question of population reduction...
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Post by spiderlegs on Jun 15, 2005 11:04:30 GMT -5
I think the antidepressants are mainly as a pacifier. It seems in our case, the only MDs who prescribed them wewre the ones who didn't even look at us and checked DoP on our diagnosis. So, we don't take them. The one good doctor we've seen told us not to take them, too.
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