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Post by ANTHILL on Dec 29, 2005 12:34:39 GMT -5
SATIRE Delusional MD Epidemic Grows by Fintan Dunne, 01 Jan '03 Editor www.SickofDoctors.comThe US in particluar, and much of the developed world is chronically affected by a growing, largely undiagnosed condition known as "dMD" or Delusional Medical Doctoritis. Sufferers believe they are doctors and often present with a convincing array of pseudo-qualificatory paraphernalia obtained by undergoing training in medical schools. These unfortunate victims persist in delusional activities which may include: setting up and operating medical practices; seeing patients; prescribing drugs and performing surgeries. Sufferers have an affinity for each other and often congregate. This results in the characteristic appearance of "hospitals" or "walk-in clinics" --which take the form of buildings located in urban centers. This group cohesion among sufferers can render dMD very hard to treat, as they not only give each other awards and positions of responsibility, but attend what are termed "conferences." At these events they can freely mingle with sufferers of the related syndrome dPC "Delusional PharmaCorporitis" --which is characterized by an overwhelming need to develop ineffective drugs. Both groups can be very convincing and have managed to gain control of US medical care. In recent years, the synergy between the two has led to the unnecessary death of 250,000--500,000 people in the US annually. Unsuspecting members of the public are enticed into so-called "surgeries" and then referred to the "hospitals" --where streamlined facilities for manslaughter and disposal of corpses are well established and very efficient. DIAGNOSIS Diagnosis is difficult, as dMD sufferers can be hard to distinguish from actual healers. However telltale callouses on the palms ("golf-club" hand) and a predilection for driving German automobiles are regarded as sufficient for a presumptive diagnosis. Much debate surrounds the question of the primary causative agent in dMD, but recent analysis (Regush et. al. 2002) implicates an underlying attitudinal infection with medicomegalomaniavirus. This is ubiquitous in medical schools; is contracted by perhaps 90% of attendees during training; and is thought to cause the brain atrophy and the classic "conehead" triangulation of the remaining brain tissue. These unfortunates leave medical school in a pseudo-qualificatory state and soon succumb to "Reps Syndrome," wherein they are unable to think at all except in the presence of drug sales representatives. TREATMENT In the absence of a cure, current treatment for the condition focusses on minimizing harm and providing regular small doses of reality. Only minute doses are appropriate, due to cognitive dissonance, and in order to avoid hepatic stress from the decomposition of mental constructs. With gentle counseling and a supportive environment, sufferers can begin by vocalizing simple phrases such as: "I'll prescribe these ones --they're cheaper" and eventually moving on to more challenging statements like: "I have no idea what's wrong with you." Even so, only a minority will ever manage to make statements like "Chemo will just kill you quicker" or "If it doesn't work I'll give you your money back." No patient has, as yet, completed treatment in full --which requires the sufferer to say: "Stop me before I kill you." Clearly, much more research is required to develop effective treatment protocols. Meanwhile the general public is advised to exercise great caution when seeking healing.
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Post by betsy on Jan 6, 2006 1:28:59 GMT -5
cute! Unfortunately it is too close to reality.
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Post by Still Hangin In on Mar 22, 2006 12:03:58 GMT -5
Good man., Ant! I love it! I've met at least 10 in the past four years. We all need to laugh sometimes, keeps us from losing it entirely.
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Post by ANTHILL on Mar 22, 2006 13:54:22 GMT -5
Ya' It is good I love it too' This is a rundown of Delusional parasitosis that is taught by a biology professor Comparing it to to the satire it proves that any one can write unproved bull-S-h-i-t just of the top off their head and make it sound plasible which I am sure is how Ekbom's syndrome came into being
The harm comes when they take it as fact and teach it to up and coming doctor's at the university level
TOPIC 54. Delusional parasitosis (Ekbom's syndrome)
1. Delusional parasitosis, or Ekbom's syndrome, is the mistaken belief that one is being infected by parasites. 2. The most common types of parasites imagined include mites, worms, lice, and fleas 3. Common clinical signs and symptoms of Ekbom's syndrome 1. a long term feeling of itching, particularly of the skin, and soreness of the skin, anal region, gut, and/or nose 2. most individuals have visited numerous physicians, health care workers, dermatologists, and even parasitologists, etc. and have rejected negative findings 3. individuals frequently mail out samples consisting of dried flakes of skin, hair, scabs, exudates, etc. often mixed with toilet paper, dust, or lint. No parasites are generally found by the professionals 4. often these individuals convince family members of the problem so that multiple family members become involved 5. many individuals begin to spend large sums of money on bogus home remedies, including herbal remedies, when conventional drugs fail to provide satisfaction. Indeed, several webpages now exist that foster this belief in order to get affected individuals to order various herbal remedies 6. some individuals expose themselves to intense washings with soaps, disinfectants, and dangerous levels of pesticides 7. patient will often complain of seeing small worms or bugs crawling on or in the skin, emerging out the nose or through sores in the skin, or deposited on furniture 8. patients may begin to self-mutilate, rubbing the skin or anal area so hard that weeping sores appear 4. Correlations (not everyone fits into these categories, however) 1. often high stress and loneliness 2. 2/3 female, often divorced with children; 1/3 male, often with alternate life-style 3. sometimes low self esteem 4. socially introverted 5. often lower income than national average 6. average intelligence 7. varied backgrounds 8. generally non-entomophobic 9. generally non- bizarre personalities 5. Typical causes of dermal irritations 1. environmental irritations such as laundry detergent perfumes, soaps, shampoo, perfumes, make-up, synthetic fibers, cleaning solutions, pesticides 2. some individuals experience delusional parasitosis because of drug use or other substance abuse 3. some people simply have mental disorders (paranoia, depression, schizophrenia) 4. various underlying diseases such as cancer, diabetes, hypothyroidism, heart disease, tuberculosis, vitamin B12 deficiency, etc. 5. often times, no overt cause can be determined. People are otherwise normal 6. Treatment options include supportive psychotherapy when other causes are ruled out. Several drugs, including risperidone, pimozide, and sertindole, have all been used to successfully treat some patients.
As a parasitologist, I occasionally receive letters, e-mails, or telephone calls from individuals experiencing Ekbom's syndrome. I've now learned from experience not to become involved in these cases since, to date, I have been unable to convince any of these individuals that they are not infected. All samples I've looked at, which include skin scrapings, serous exudates, nasal exudates, saliva, feces, and urine samples, are uniformly negative for parasites. However, the samples submitted usually consist of one of two items: 1) dried exudates with a bit of hair; the exudates sometimes resemble arthropods in shape only and the hairs are mistaken for pieces of worms, or/and 2) dried exudates containing paper fibers from toilet paper, napkins, and paper towels that the patients use to rub and sample self-inflicted wounds. These paper fibers are normally mistaken by these patients for pieces of nematodes.
Although I discard 90% or more of the correspondence I receive from individuals suffering from Ekbom's syndrome, over the years I've saved a few of the e-mails for teaching purposes. Below I provide several actual letters from patients who have contacted me in the past, although I have been very careful to delete any information (names, dates, geographic locations, etc.) that might provide a clue as to an individual's identity. I have also left all spelling and grammatical errors intact. In one case I felt compelled to contact the student health center at the College in question since I felt that the individual, a student, might do something to hurt herself.
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