Yes..
I see you feel the same way I do.. seems we all feel that way when it happens..
And for how strong I am now.. I am also weaker in ways too.
Just as you cry reading all this.. I cry writing it..
I think we have to cry to release some of that emotion..
I think I still cry every single day..
Its a loss ya know?
The loss of our past life and a time when things were easier.. a time when we were blind to things and not knowing all this was going on..
Plus I think we cry for the future, and knowing others are out there suffering too...
We cry knowing this is spreading.. and wondering how many wont get the help they need..
I consider myself very lucky..
I see many others who arent so lucky and wont make it..
You stand your ground... you did nothing wrong to get sick and dont let any of these Drs out there make you feel that way...
Turn the tables and make them feel stupid..
Its their fault they didnt look for this when they should have..
Never let them forget it.. not for 1 minute..
You keep your soft side for the people here who need it.. and your family who will have a hard time dealing with your illness as well..
But stay angry... I am told I am mean..lol..
I wont deny that... but I am only mean to the people who I feel deserve it..
I stand confidant and strong with what I know to be true and I love any chance I get to run my mouth...
I tell everyone about this.. every chance I get..
And I dont give any of the idiots I dealt with before my diagnosis, a break at all..
I take them down.. and hard.
And I sit back and wait for that day to get even..
Because now I am a leader in my area. and I literally cant wait for that day one of those Drs come walking into my Lyme group for help..
God help them.. because I wont..
I may sound heartless.. and I will take that with pride..
But the truth is.. I just save my heart for those who deserve it..
I almost died... and when this is all said and done.. they will wish I did.
We all deserved better...
Most of us were paying a small fortune for medical insurance to have knowledgable Drs in case anything ever happened, and we thought we were safe...
This never had to happen...
And to know its still happening turns my stomach..
Dont worry... we will have our day...
Just concentrate on that day...
And I dont know about you.. but I will drive my sorry self right to DC to protest and have a field day with the media when that day comes..
Honestly.. I think its what keeps me going.. knowing I will have that day.
And you will too.. wait and see..
We lost many years of our lives.. all of us.. and God only knows how many more we will lose over this.. and I dont know about you all.. but I want someone to pay..
I wont rest until I get that.. and even then.. this will never be over.. because I am probably the most anal, obsessive, rotten, finger pointing witch that ever lived.. and they will be very sorry this did this...
I say it everyday... "1 test 8 years ago and none of this would have happened like it did.."
Believe it.. they arent missing those tests up this way now..
My family Dr has Lyme information all over in his office now..
And still... I never let him forget.
We are women.. and we never forget and never forgive..
But we get even.. and we do it good.
Let them all wonder what I am up to next.. I love that.. I really do.
Like you.. I want that cure.. and I will get it..
Because I wont have it any other way.. and to walk into the office of about 25 different Drs and be well... that will be awesome.. but to be back in great shape and kick some arse... that will be priceless
Much love
Kerry