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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:07:39 GMT -5
Alright funny people here's a chance you can shed a little laughter on the subject of Morgellons
I'll start it off
You have Morgellons if.............
....hide from the UPS guy
....your husband does all the shopping
....you find hobbies you can do "at home"
....suddenly playing checkers by yourself is not such a bad idea
....you resemble your pet
....your husband thinks that when you were PMSing those were the good ol' days
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:09:39 GMT -5
....you can cough up furballs bigger than your cat
....you scare your infant with the latest home remedy you forgot to take off your face
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:11:13 GMT -5
....your favorite song is Scratch me baby one more time, by Itchy Spears
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:11:54 GMT -5
Anyone laughing yet?
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Post by cozmikanjel on Feb 7, 2007 21:16:31 GMT -5
bet!
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:18:28 GMT -5
....you have five bucks to your name and spend it on epsomsalt
....you miss the pot of coffee you USED TO DRINK
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Post by cozmikanjel on Feb 7, 2007 21:25:55 GMT -5
...you have to sleep with a cold wet washcloth between your butt cheeks, twice a month
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Post by lydski on Feb 7, 2007 21:32:23 GMT -5
....you've ever pretended your not home when someone knocks on your door
....you often say "I guess I didn't hear the phone ring"
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:32:38 GMT -5
....you are 30 but feel more like 90
....wonder who in the neighborhood has the universal remote
....your garbage man swears you have a pet but has never seen one
....your garbage man also wonders what is like to be a mystery shopper (from all the products that dont work
....you want to slap the next doctor who says DOP
....you've joined Alcohol Anonymus for all the wrong reasons
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Post by lydski on Feb 7, 2007 21:38:12 GMT -5
....when you excuse yourself to the ladies room and your granddaughter says to everyone "Oh no.... she'll be back in a couple of hours"
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Post by suebee on Feb 7, 2007 21:38:30 GMT -5
your pharmasist gives you a chit eatin smile because you ask him to ''please give you something that can reach your deep itch"
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:38:37 GMT -5
.......A night out is Walmart at 3 in the morning .
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:40:41 GMT -5
....you presented your self as an Afgahn Blanket for Halloween
....you thought you had a few more years to go before you worried about your health
....you are now shopping in the Natural Istle at the grocery store
....you are not fat but on a "special diet"
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:41:46 GMT -5
....you cant decide what to wear today, doesnt really matter cause your not going anywhere anyway
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Post by janedough on Feb 7, 2007 21:51:48 GMT -5
. . . you walk into a store and the sales clerk keeps asking you what that sulfur smell is and you pretend to have no idea what she is talking about.
. . . you shave your legs morning, noon and night.
. . . your husband threatens to divorce you if you pick up the damn microscope one more time.
. . . you pray that when you get out in public your hair will stop dancing on top of your head.
. . . You pray that Dan Rutz and Julie Gerberding wake up tomorrow and swear that bugs are crawling all over them and they see fibers in their skin.
. . . All the cabinets in your home are filled with supplements.
. . . You plan your social events and vacations based on the stage of the moon.
. . . You don't need to keep trak of your periods anymore, as your morg symptoms are always the worst the day before.
. . . You make up excuses to friends for all those cuts because you are afraid they will think you are a complete nut if you were to tell them the real reason.
. . . Your life has become a 1950's science fiction movie, and it is ALL REAL.
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:54:17 GMT -5
....you've replaced all the china in your hutch with vitamins, because frankly you have no place else to put them
....your bathroom has a better selection of lotions and potions than all your local stores
....tea trea and aloe vera is your best friend
....you sweat more in your sleep than you ever did working out
....wonder if "you are what you eat" than am i just one big hunk of garlic?
....want to hurry up and find who's responsible for this so you can put them over your knee for a good old fashioned spanking.....and I'm being nice here
....you have seriously considered stealing your childs pottychair for your night time duties
....you consider yourself a "one man band" and are now taking requests. (All of my joints crack)
....you are putting aside a little extra money every month for your denture fund
....clipping cupons is a major hobby
..curse silently to yourself while strolling the soda and chip isle
....chocolate is not your friend, and ice cream is your enemy
....Your Great Aunt Edna looks better than you
....you wonder if plastic surgery applies to you
....hope that Dr. Phil comes down with this stuff
....Your personal ad reads: S/W/F enjoys sipping chamomile tea in long luxurios baths while plucking unidentified objects from skin. seeking man with microscope and an open mind
....your feet are so swollen they look like two loaves of bread
....your dreams of being a supermodel have come to a screeching hault
....you don't need to press any buttons to make the microwave work
....you are so bloated everytime you walk into the room someone shouts "hey KOOL-AID"
....your dog eats better than you do
.... your night vision is so bad youre lucky to find the front door after letting the pooches out for one last potty run
....the Hunch Back of Notre Dame has got nothin' on you
....your house is so fuzzy even the roaches are cruzin' around in dune buggys....lol
.....on your your worst day, you still look better than Michael Jackson
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 21:56:48 GMT -5
....you are second after Donald Trump as having the worst hairstyle in the world
....while laying in bed itching, you give a whole new meaning to the horizontal mambo
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Post by suebee on Feb 7, 2007 21:57:48 GMT -5
you put " microscope" on your Christmas wish list
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Post by lydski on Feb 7, 2007 22:00:03 GMT -5
....Your personal ad reads: S/W/F enjoys sipping chamomile tea in long luxurios baths while plucking unidentified objects from skin. seeking man with microscope and an open mind
I vote this one the BEST ....so far . Really . that is hilarious!, buginarug.
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Post by buginarug on Feb 7, 2007 22:01:31 GMT -5
......sometimes you feel like you are "stuck on stupid"
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