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Post by kiki on Aug 19, 2008 18:41:30 GMT -5
Im a mess. Ive been crying since last night(well since 2am) and my nose is stuffed up but couldnt blow it. I ran hot water and made a tent over sink to see if steam helped. When I blew nose one nostril burned like crazy and then what looked like a thorn was at tip of nose. Like on a tea rose. The second I touched it I felt like it sprayed darts on me. Lots of them. Im embarassed but I threw tissue and ran. When I got the nerve and wentback the only thing on tissue was black specks and the little white things -(what Toni calls poppers). I know it stung me over a doz times. I wonder if I'll get worse now?
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Post by kiki on Aug 19, 2008 18:09:12 GMT -5
My mom and aunt came and my mom called Keifer (husb). Then I talked to him and he was so calm I dont think it sunk in yet. The first thing he said was I know what youre thinking and so help me if you think for one min you had a hand in this I will never be able to forgive him and I need to forgive him. I kinda fibbed about the note. I said it really didnt explain anything. He said destroy it, that he wanted to think his brothers consciece was his soul and his soul was seeking peace and when he was right with the Lord he would have that peace. I dont think you will ever know the impact of your responses. I was frantic and crying so hard I hyperventilated and incoherent. I scared my poor mother to no end. I reached out to you - people I have never met and you were right there. I will be grateful for that forever. You have no idea what you did for me. You are what makes the world beautiful. With all my heart thank you.
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Post by kiki on Aug 19, 2008 15:17:41 GMT -5
please help me. please. I posted in Support. thank you
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Post by kiki on Aug 18, 2008 17:00:35 GMT -5
I had my hands under the hybrid this morning and tiny red and black fibers seeped right out--that always happens w/light. But a few mins ago something plopped on my laptop keys. I tried to get it w/tissue but jammed it under keys so got tweezers ad it looked like a thick nail tip. But none of my nails look broken. Washed my hands and it looked like a small blood vessel was right under the surface of the pad of finger. Except it looked black. I picked up a towel and immediately felt something zing out of finger and saw black on towel. I touched it and it felt like steel wool but tingly. I got it with tweezers, put it in dixie cup and was gone less than 2 min to get empty vial. It looked like charcoal now. Before I could put it in vial it was gone. Now my nails are peeling and my shoulder started twitching. The only way I can think to describe what happened next is think of a zigzaggy pull string burst out of your skin. No marks on my back and not a spot on t-shirt. I dont know why Im so wimpy lately. I wanna be 4 again- when moms kiss cured all.
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Post by kiki on Aug 18, 2008 15:48:42 GMT -5
When my aches first started I went to a rheumatologist thinking it was arthritis. It was the strangest appt I ever had. He came in with the form I had just filled out and said So you went to college. 2 years or 4? Did you graduate? Then he asked how long I had my job. At first I thought it was just polite "break the ice" talk but he never ask another question. He squeezed the back of my neck and thumped my back (odd since it was my knees that hurt most) and said to nurse Literate ---yr old female with career. Fibromyalgia. Oh --he actually had the nerve to offer Prosaac and steroids and when I said Im not comfortable taking that he said if I didnt he wouldnt treat me.
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Post by kiki on Aug 18, 2008 14:11:41 GMT -5
My fingers get numb and also my arms and feet "fall aseep"-- that awful pins and needle tingling. Mine is poor circulation from POTS. The only thing that helps mine is to shake it out to get blood moving.
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 21:12:01 GMT -5
I can laugh about it now but for months I heard buzzing and static . It seemed to surround me. Then I started to hear music but only during the day. I thought well that's it. Im stark raving nuts. I didnt tell a soul. One night my husb asked if I talked to Chris--(mold removal guy) about replacing the intercom system. I had no idea what he was talking about. Seems he thought Chris told me there was an old NuTone radio intercom system in the walls. The previous owners had covered over the speakers in each room. When they were de-molding the house it must have jostled some wires cause it picked up an AM station!!
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 18:44:21 GMT -5
I have a case of the blues. My anniversary was last wk. 14 years and he still makes my heart skip. But morgellons did more than invade my body. It insidiously wove itself into the "us" so slowly that it wasnt apparent till it was already done. It killed. It killed the spontaniety, it killed the flirtation, it killed the easy chitchat. Its the elephant in the room. There -- always there. The nights on the porch sharing our "One day we gotta...do this, go there,try that" Gone. The unspoken fears wont allow such frivilous dreaming. What we dont say is that its too painful to dream. We dont say we are afraid. I see it I hear it I taste it. We are afraid to acknowlege that the being that was US is no more. But we still cling. Fumbling for new footing. We "give" each other songs every year. I gave him the Sting/Sheryl Crow song - Always On Your Side. I know how to email a youtube video but dont know how to post it here. It just seemed fitting for morgellons and love. my heart hurts.
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 17:01:32 GMT -5
Great to know you're feeling better. Your comment about shame hits close. When I say I live in a small town I mean Mayberry RFD small. My dr is an hr away. People knew I was sick but I never went into detail. My hubby knew I didnt want to broadcast it and came up with a funny but actually kinda fitting description. He says its like malaria with a "lyme" twist. salted rim suggested. But Fri my mom made an off-hand comment that a lady at hair salon was talking about parasites. It suddenly dawned on me that I had assumed I would have heard if anyone local had this. Well I typed my town and morgellons and lo and behold there was a post made on wrong diagnosis. She said shes sure she has morg but cant get dr to help. What she said next gave me chills. She said I am a nurse and I see so many people that have this and dont even know it. The post is 7 mo old and I wanted to reach her but pm was blocked. Then it hit me--she DIDNT WANT to be found. How sad that we dont dare tell whats realllly happening. Since when is illness a "dirty little secret"??
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 13:28:04 GMT -5
kamefromsky---I have no idea. The second I looked at it I thought Nostradamus. (thnx for cor sp) Just that quick. Weird huh? I showed my hubby and asked what his first thought was. His answer made my tummy flipflop. He said Jesus. That stunned me not because he doesnt have faith but because he is soooo analytical. Both of us seeing faces gave me pause. Call it power of suggestion but now I see Jesus too.
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 13:03:26 GMT -5
Ive been meaning to get willard water for months now but just cant seem to make the effort to actually order it. But now Im curious. I always think if 1 is good 2 must be better....course that aint always the case! As my hubby says Cant hurt!
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 11:09:47 GMT -5
Has anyone heard of Kangen Water? I just read about it and went to their site to order some. I was super surprised to see there was a local distributor. I live in a smalllll town. Im excited to try it.
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 10:47:43 GMT -5
The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw picture was Nostradomus-sp?
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Post by kiki on Aug 17, 2008 10:10:03 GMT -5
Oops! I need to be more careful how I word things. When I said results were immediate with tilt-table test I meant the diagnosis for POTS. There's no "maybe" -- ya either have it or ya don't. What the test does is record blood pressure changes at different angles. I was awake for 6 days and it cost me dearly healthwise. When I tried to lay down, I had this scary feeling like I was falling. Hard to explain but even tho I KNEW I needed sleep my mind fought it. It turned out that my blood pressure was dropping so low that my heart wasnt "getting enough" so the adrenalin would kick in to bring more blood to heart. I hope Im making sense.
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Post by kiki on Aug 16, 2008 16:39:49 GMT -5
jjill-- this kinda off topic but the point about rubbing someone the wrong way is a thought thats been consuming me. I need a reality check cause I'm fully aware that I am paranoid. Ya know the "gut feeling" you get when something just doesnt seem right? Well something doesnt feel right about the riding accident my Dr daughter had. Most incriminating is that it was NOT an "accident". A strap was CUT. When I heard that I called Dr office. I was hysterical-really. I must have scared nurse because that night my Dr called me (not a common thing) I was convinced it had to with some posts(that never posted). Sydney asked what lab, etc and I thought I sent her pm but it isnt in my outbox. She jokingly said Youre the sanest patient I have so buck up and re-grip. She said there were 2 other riders tack tampered with. But everytime I think about it my tummy clenches up and I just get a very bad sense of "wrong" Gosh I sound nuts dont I? But darn it, my intuition has always turned out to be right. Something else she said makes me wonder. Whn I told her about posts she said I wouldnt worry about that b/c it will probably be the internet that solves this and the CDC is at least smart enough to know that with some careful wording they can add some worthless twist and claim credit for cure. Maybe I should post this in general but dont have the energy to do it. Am I just hyper-paranoid?
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Post by kiki on Aug 16, 2008 14:43:21 GMT -5
I just posted under computer questions but want to ask if anyone else has or had same problem. I don't know where my posts are going. I sent a pm to someone and am out of my mind worried it could somehow infect their computer. A porn site is trying to trap me. I am in a full-blown herx and my frustration is out of control--irrationally out of control. I think I'm having a panic attack. My chest feels like its being squeezed and its hard to swallow. I need to cry but Im scared if I do I wont be able to stop.
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Post by kiki on Aug 16, 2008 14:04:11 GMT -5
I am being harassed by pop-up ads. Im at my wits end. They pop up - they pop down - they pop over - they pop under- they pop in- they pop out. Yep- they pop pop pop all about. Constantly. Thats bad enough but now porn sites are popping up and some trap me and the only way out is to turn off computer by holding button down. Computer totally corrupted. Was told something wrong with hard-drive. New laptop next wk. Am gonna burn this one!!! But what I wanna ask is how do I know if any of my posts were deleted? Last night I posted and saw them but today they are gone. Mine are'nt the only ones. Some others are gone too. The comments were not in anyway controversial. This is probably ridiculous but could spyware somehow be involved?
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Post by kiki on Aug 15, 2008 17:19:26 GMT -5
Oh my gosh I love this. It even got a great big awww from my hubby. We both had one of those grins that make your face hurt! Thank you for sharing it. kiki
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Post by kiki on Aug 15, 2008 16:04:29 GMT -5
I do have same Dr but have not seen her since she got test results. Her daughter was injured in horse riding accident and she is only really going to office a couple days a week--basically to write scripts. I'll see her in Sept. One of her nurses did call and say she wanted me back on clindamycin. Im not optimistic that anything important was found or she would have done something ya know? She's actually very supportive of me trying the light. Now, is it because it's harmless if used properly? (unlike the time I almost poisoned myself with sodium perborate...thanx TamTam!!) Or does she really think it has merit? I dont know but she has had no problem shooting down other treatments I've asked about. Maybe she thinks that even if any results are superficial, its beneficial. jjill-- that wasnt me on other board.
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Post by kiki on Aug 15, 2008 14:49:35 GMT -5
In the early 60s the co my dad worked for (Fairchild) was contracted by NASA for the Pegasus project. I was about 8 when my dads dept was temporarily transferred to MN. My mom, brother and I spent the summer there. One night my some of my dads co-workers came over and were talking about some things NASA said. My mom shooed my brother and I out to play. That only piqued our nosiness. We eavesdropped and I distinctly remember one saying How in good faith can they issue such a statement? Apparently NASA publicly said that they took all precautions necessary to prevent bringing any foreign contaminates,etc back to earth. BUT several scientists were overheard saying they were not at all confident that it would even be recognizable let alone preventable. Reminds me of boodtests--they only look for whats specified.
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